The boy who was trolled
by jade-fae
Summary: Ever feel like your life is not in your control. Harry Potter knows that feeling. He's had it ever since the first time he died. See the hundred one lives of Harry Potter as he fights to survive and maybe find out who the hell is trolling his life's.
1. Preword

The boy who was trolled

Pre-word

…

November is upon us again. That means daily updates for the next thirty days. This year we're treading old ground, old but fun.

Ever feel like someone was just messing with your life. Harry knows that feeling. He's felt it since the first time he died and woke up back in the cupboard. But things will go much farther than that. You can only watch the same old scenario so many times before you get bored, and if there's anything the gods watching his life like a sitcom hate, it's boredom.

Come in and check out the hundred and one lives of Harry Potter, or at least thirty chapters worth of them. And don't forget to check out our Halloween update, 'It's the great pumpkin Sirius Black'.

And our other entry this year, as we expand into new fandoms, 'Pokémon Flash'.

See you all in November.


	2. Chapter 01

The-boy-who-was-trolled  
Chapter 01

…

Within the greater realms where all the gods live there is a famous well. Mimir's well, described in myth and legend, allows the gods to view any of the worlds of men, a feat few alone were able to do without some manner of avatar present.

Our story begins at this famous well, with a rather infamous goddess of love, doing what most women do when they're not working. She was watching her stories.

In this case she was watching one of her favorite stories, about her favorite characters, Harry Potter, or as the folks upstairs like to call him, the monkey wrench.

Not since the age of heroes had one mortal thwarted so much evil. Harry had somehow managed to stumble onto more cases than any Auror in the history of the force. Even Moody hadn't been so successful, and Harry managed to do it without losing any limbs.

That was okay though. The absolute disaster that was his marriage more than made up for it. Ginny Weasley had inherited a lot from her mother, her mouth for one, temper for another. What she hadn't gotten was her mothers loyal and faithful nature.

Venus watched as Ginny once again harangued her husband about some stupid little thing. Harry sat quietly in his chair, a perfectly neutral expression on his face.

Ginny didn't notice. Ginny didn't know. Her husband had found her out. Some days earlier he'd gotten the results and his world had come crashing down. His children weren't his children.

Figuring out the love potion part of it had been easy after that. He would have figured it out sooner if it were being used on anyone but him. But it wasn't and finding out all the good things in his life were a lie had been too much.

"So what are we watching?"

Venus glanced up from her viewing to find a surprise, "Loki?"

The trickster of the Norse gave a dramatic bow. Most people didn't like Loki, and not without good reason. Venus, surprisingly, was one of the few who hadn't sworn some sort of vendetta against him at some point.

"I'm surprised to see you, out in the open" she teased.

"You know me V, I laugh in the face of danger" the cocky Norseman crowed.

"That's probably why he doesn't like you."

"Ya think."

Venus shook her head and chuckled, what a ham.

"But back to more important matters" he said, "what are we watching?"

"Harry Potter" she replied.

"Oh, Charon's embarrassment."

"Loki, be nice."

"Have you met me?"

Venus laughed while Loki stared into the well, "This looks like it should be good" he observed.

Harry had donned his 'battle dress' and was raiding a massive warehouse full of every manner of foul thing and foul person imaginable.

"I think he's committing suicide" said Venus a bit sadly, "he found out his kids aren't his and his wife's been potioning him for their entire marriage."

"So he's going to kill himself on the swords of his enemy" Loki nodded, "as a Norseman, I can respect that."

"Kinda sad though. What am I supposed to watch now? There's no other mortal even half this fun to watch" Venus complained.

"Well, technically he isn't a mortal" Loki reminded.

Venus just waved a dismissive hand, "Semantics. He dies, and I lose my entertainment."

"Do you?" Loki asked, a thoughtful expression creasing his face, "Do you have to?"

"What are you talking about?"

"We know his soul is no longer mortal, so he's outside the usual channels."

"Yes."

"So, what if we, redirected him, say, back to the beginning."

"Time would never allow that, you know how he is."

"Not repeat the same one, just take his freed soul and stick it into any of the million potentials that never came to pass. One of the tiny forks in the river of a possible life."

Venus considered the proposition, "It'll take some doing. Neither of us has the right authorities."

"Venus. Darling" Loki schmoozed, "Who is the goddess every god wants."

Venus smiled, "Me."

"Who's the goddess who gets whatever she wants."

"Me" she chirped.

"Need I say more?"

"I wouldn't mind."

Now it was Loki's turn to laugh, "So, we're doing this?"

"Absolutely" she declared, "If we don't I'd have to, I don't know, start a war or something."

"We can always do that later" said Loki, "for now, let's go trolling."


	3. Chapter 02

The-boy-who-was-trolled  
Chapter 02

…

Harry woke, slowly, painfully. Everything ached, and he couldn't understand why. He shouldn't feel anything. He didn't want to feel anything but that was less relevant than the fact he 'shouldn't' feel anything.

He'd shrugged off at least a dozen curses on that suicide raid that would have killed any other man on the spot. He'd taken them specifically because he knew once the adrenaline stopped holding him up they would kill him. That had been the point after all.

That and giving the folks at the bar one last story to tell. That last raid had been the biggest of his career. Three dark lords, not counting Voldemort, and not a one of them had been able to muster such a force. And he'd taken every man, woman, and beasty by himself.

And then he'd died, right? That was the plan. But then why could he still feel, and why did he feel like shit?

If he hadn't died, he was certain he should feel a lot worse after the assorted nastiness he'd soaked up.

Hesitantly, he opened his eyes. Everything was a blur. At least his eyes still worked, as well as they ever had. He fumbled for his glasses and banged his writs against the wall.

"Ow!"

The exclamation caused him to freeze. Not for fear of further pain but because of the sound of the exclamation, the tone, the timbre. It was all wrong. It was too high. He hadn't sounded like that since he was ten.

Forcing himself to sit up he fumbled again for his glasses. What he felt was familiar but in a way that filled him with dread. Acting on that dread his hand moved and discovered his glasses right where he feared they'd be.

He didn't need to put them on to know what he'd see. It was impossible, a bad dream, a horrible delusion.

He put his glasses on. It was just as he'd feared. It was the cupboard, his cupboard, the cupboard under the stairs. It couldn't be.

Looking down he found his old dirty blanket covering his pitiful malnourished body. A tiny frail hand moved in front of his face and he had the strangest sense of disconnect. This was not his hand and yet, it was. Nothing made sense.

"Boy!" a meaty fist knocked on his door.

Vernon? Couldn't be. He'd died of a heart attack years ago.

Harry didn't know what was going on or who was responsible, but he was damn well going to find out. And he'd start with this, Vernon.

… several hours later

Harry sat quietly contemplating in Vernon's favorite chair in the living room. His relatives, sans Dudley, were tied to chairs in the kitchen. Dudley he'd just hogtied and left on the floor.

"You're insane! Do you hear me?" Vernon bellowed pitifully.

Harry had worked him over quite thoroughly in his quest for the truth. It was understandable he was still upset.

"You might be right" Harry admitted, "If what you've told me is true, then there's no rational explanation for what is going on here. Even magic doesn't begin to explain this."

He was ten again, that's all there was to it. He still remembered living a life that had ended shy of forty but there was no question the body he now inhabited had never seen puberty.

That alone could have been explained, but add to that the year, which was the same year it had been the last time he was ten, and he was left with nothing even resembling an explanation.

Harry sighed. He'd been pondering in circles and he was getting nowhere. He needed help, loathe as he was to admit it, and there was only one person in this year who might be able to help.

"Wait, where are you going!" Petunia cried when he headed for the door.

"Hogwarts" he said, reaching for the handle.

"You're just going to leave us tied up here?"

Harry paused. Was he just going to leave them tied up? He certainly could. He had long since come to terms with his childhood, but that didn't mean he like them.

Sighing, he returned to the kitchen and united Dudley, "You, untie them" he ordered.

Then, saying no more he turned and left #4 Privet Drive.

Magnolia Crescent wasn't a long walk and he found himself before the familiar door of his squib watcher in short order.

"Harry, what're you doing here?" said a surprise Mrs. Figg.

"Hell Mrs. Figg" said Harry, "I need to use your floo. I need to call Albus."

The look of shock on her face was quite comical, you'd think he'd just sprouted a dozen new heads and started singing 'it's a small world after all'.

"Wha… bu, uh, I don't know what…"

His raised hand halted her mid babble, "Arbella, I know who you are, I know what you are, and I know why you're here. I understand you are confused. So am I. I don't know what's happened, but I do know I can't figure it out on my own. Please. I need to call Albus."

He could tell she didn't know what to think. If he needed he could force the issue. Even in his frail ten-year-old body he knew ways to bring down bigger things than old Mrs. Figg.

He was glad when she opened the door and beckoned him in. He really hadn't wanted to hurt the kind old woman. It said a lot about his state of mind that he was even willing to consider the idea.

He sat quietly on the old musty couch as she made the call. One of her many cats decided he should serve a purpose and was sitting in his lap when the fire flared, and the garish robes of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore swished into the room.

The old man and young boy stared silently for several seconds. Harry felt the old teacher try to probe his mind, as expected, and he gently rebuffed him.

"Harry" he greeted at last.

"Albus" Harry replied, "Nice to see your sense of 'style' is still the same."

"Is it? The same as when, exactly?"

Harry sighed. Getting him here had been the easy part. Now he had to convince him he wasn't, as Vernon had supposed, completely round the twist.

"Sit down Albus. I've got about thirty years to summarize before we can even get to now."


	4. Chapter 03

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 03

…

Harry awoke, slowly, painfully. He didn't know where he was, but it was cramped and dark and he felt like shit.

Then the memories came flooding in. He lay perfectly still as the flood of thought overwhelmed him and he fought to process it all.

It was hours later when he finally got a grip on his mind and had established some understanding of the last replay of his life. Enough understanding to know exactly where it had all gone wrong.

"Bloody buggering bastard" he mumbled while staring blankly at the underside of the stairs above him.

He'd done it again. Even after telling him not to. After explaining how much worse things turned out, he'd still done it. Damn whatever fool even created obliviating.

He 'd long known Dumbledore had control issues, but he'd not realized just how pervasive it was until being obliviated six times. His previous lives and experience erased, for the extent of that particular play through.

It was only fortunate he regained all his memories at the beginning of each reset or he'd be completely lost now, at the start of number seven.

"Hmm, seven."

As he had sadly learned, numbers had power. He could reach out to Dumbledore again. He could hope for a better outcome. He could get obliviated for a seventh time. He could.

"Aw hell no!"

But he wouldn't.

"BOY!"

Ah, the wakeup call. Marvelous. Though it did put his current situation into context. He was, once again, ten years old, friendless, wandless, basically he was as unprepared for anything as he possibly could be.

He needed time. He needed resources. And, though he was loathe to admit it, he needed allies. Even with all his pre-knowledge, all his skills and magical knowledge, he was still a feeble ten-year-old boy.

He had to plan, write things down, visualize his battle plan. And he would. He'd been the greatest Auror captain in the history of the force. Voldemort wouldn't know what hit him.

… one reset later

Harry awoke, slowly, painfully.

"Goddammit!"

Note to self, do not leave incriminating plans out where people can see them. Side note, Hermione, apart form being a talented liar, is also a big fat tattletale.

This should not have been a surprise to him, given how long he'd known the girl, but dammit all could her timing have been any worse. Third year she found his plans, plans that would have ended Voldemort before he ever came back while simultaneously crippling the racist pureblood cabal.

And rather than asking him what it was or trying to be reasonable, she'd gone straight to McGonagall who had gone to Dumbledore who had obliviated Harry in his sleep.

Damn sevens.

And so, with his brain a magicked wreck he hadn't even survived to the end of the year. He'd died at Sirius side, no time turner to the rescue, no saving himself with magic he'd failed to master because his brain had been turned to soggy oatmeal.

"Alright, new top priority. Find new and exciting ways to hide things from nosy busybody 'well meaning' friends."

"BOY!"

Sigh, but first he had to avoid killing the walrus and his horse. If he was going to keep from getting obliviated again he needed to learn subtlety and he wasn't going to do that by committing murder right off the bat.

No matter how tempting it might be, and after that last one it was really tempting.

… one reset later

"Goddammit Ron!"

And things had been going so well too. All the way to sixth year this time. He'd felt confident Ron could handle the truth. He'd felt Dumbledore would be in no condition to do something as monumentally stupid as obliviate him again.

Clearly his gut needed a tune-up because he was sick of being wrong and getting obliviated.

"BOY!"

"Ugh! And here we go again."


	5. Chapter 04

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 04

…

The great hall of Hogwarts had served many a purpose over the years. Purveyor of fine foodstuffs, hall of pain and punishment… I mean OWL examinations. And, if you were the right kind of person, then home of cheap yucks and humiliating entertainment.

KA*BOOM

Humiliating if you were Headmaster Albus Dumbledore anyway.

"Okay, we've got purple smoke" said Fred Weasley.

"That suggests the troll warts or green and purple polka dots" said George.

The Weasley twins eagerly awaited the clearing of the smoke to see the explosions effect.

"Well would you look at that."

"Certainly unexpected."

"I guess it's true what they say."

"Sometimes, you just have to blow stuff up."

Rather than throwing magic at their headmaster as had become the norm for the mysterious prankster, he'd simply opted to blast the food on his plate to pulp which was now covering his face, and robes, and everything else within a twenty-foot radius.

"Nice coverage, wouldn't you say."

"Oh yes, especially for such a small detonation. Most excellent."

"Honestly, I can't believe you two are commentating on this."

The two gingers turned to the bushy-haired girl on the opposite side of the table.

"As men who appreciate a good joke."

"We feel uniquely qualified to commentate."

Hermione glared at the smirking doppelgangers, "I fail to see the humor in these blatant attacks on headmaster Dumbledore."

"Because you have no sense of humor" they said together.

"You wouldn't think it was funny if it was happening to you" she snapped.

"Yeah."

"Probably not."

"But it isn't happening to us."

Hermione glared sourly, "That is a terrible way of thinking."

"Works for us."

Before the opinionated young woman could, correct them, their attention was drawn to the entrance and she turned to see what had caught their eye.

"Well look who it is" mused Fred.

"Our favorite Raven came down from his perch."

Hermione growled, not at the twins but at the subject of their discussion. She couldn't actually see him, hidden behind his ever-present stack of books but she knew he was there. Him, Harry Potter.

When she'd met him on the train she hadn't know what to think. Then he'd been sorted into Ravenclaw and the whole school had gaped, she didn't understand why. She probably wouldn't have given him much thought after that, but then, he'd said it.

"Maybe you're not as smart as you think you are."

She couldn't even remember what the conversation had been about, but she remembered that. That single sentence had changed everything.

She was absolutely as smart as she thought she was dammit, and she'd prove it.

She'd torn into her schoolwork with an unholy vengeance. Spells were practiced till she could do them in her sleep, a fact that annoyed her roommates the first time she did.

She took every opportunity to show the obnoxious, 'BOY', how wrong he was. But it wasn't enough. Everything she could do, he could do better, faster, and strong. It was unimaginably infuriating.

And what was worse, he didn't even care. He brushed her off like so many dust bunnies. She might have been hurt if he didn't behave the same way with everyone else, which he did.

She glared across the room at the infuriating boy behind his floating book tower. She glared and glared and glared some more.

"You know, you keep staring like that you might set something on fire" quipped Fred.

"Good" she snarled, never wavering her heated stare.

"No, no Freddy, it's not like that. Can't you see? She's in love."

"WHAT!"

Her furious shriek garnered less attention than one might think, this was Hogwarts after all, but it did get the attention of everyone in the immediate vicinity. More than enough to draw an atomic blush from the new center of attention.

"Of course, why didn't I see it before?" declared Fred.

"The obsession, the heated stares" said George.

"LOVE!" the two declared to the laughter of their audience.

Hermione however was not amused, "You…TWO!"

At a loss for words, Hermione grabbed her things and stormed out of the great hall.

Across the room Harry watched his one-time friend, now heated rival, flee in embarrassment. IT was still another week before Halloween, so he wasn't worried about being in danger, yet.

Switching out his current book for another he continued his research. He had a toll to deal with soon and he kind of wanted to keep this one. All kinds of things one could use a troll for, though keeping it out in the open could be a little tricky.

Hence his current project, magical spaces. As an Auror he'd learned how to unravel a magically created space, but he'd never had the time or inclination to learn how to make one. Now he did, and he needed to have it figured out before Halloween.

Maybe after that he'd get Hermione to chill out a bit. Or not. Since he wasn't in the same house this was probably the only way he'd have to interact with her. In a strange way it was actually more productive than the usual way.

"Huh, weird."


	6. Chapter 05

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 05

…

Spirit wards. Spirit wards were a thing. Most folks didn't care to live in a house full of ghosts, not even if they were family. Moaning Myrtle was not family so Harry felt no qualms about blocking her out of the girl's loo while he worked.

The whole school hadn't found out about his, unique linguistic skills, and he planned to get ahead of this year's problem as fast as he could.

The basilisk had been down there for centuries, so he had no worry he was going too soon. He'd get the book from Ginny later. Better to eliminate the real threat first.

Instincts developed after decades of battle alerted him an instant before the flaming explosion. His wand was out and pointed at the phoenix before he'd flapped his wings once.

"Fawkes!" shit, if he was here that meant Dumbledore couldn't be far behind.

The phoenix was unperturbed having a wand pointed at him and he casually perched on the sink before offering Harry the scrap of cloth in his talon.

Harry looked at the phoenix suspiciously. Still no sign of Dumbledore. Just what was going on? At his insistence, Harry took the cloth from Fawkes. Unsurprisingly it turned out to be the sorting hat.

Unfolding the antique headpiece, it came to life in his hand, "Well, well, we meet again Mr. Potter."

"So it would seem" Harry replied, "though one might have to wonder, why?"

Fawkes trilled form his perch on the sink and pecked at a certain snake shaped faucet. Harry stared at the phoenix disbelieving.

"You know, don't you?"

The phoenix bobbed in ascent.

"How?"

"Best not to think about it too much" said the hat, "There's more to phoenix than people know. Course that let's people make up all kinds of nonsense."

"Hm, truth is stranger than fiction" Harry observed, "You coming down then?"

"Down into Salazar's chamber?" the hat inquired.

"Now how did you know that?" there hadn't even been a hint of the chamber nonsense yet.

"I know what you know, so long s we're in contact. In which case."

Harry felt a slight shift then a weight fell into his hand. Taking hold, he drew the Sword of Gryffindor from the hat.

"Haven't seen this in a while" Harry remarked, "Don't plan on using it though, I hope."

"Planning to catch it like the troll?"

Harry nodded, "More use to me alive than dead. Besides, it's not his fault the other people that commanded him were murderous nut bags."

"Can't argue with that."

Hissing at the sink opened the entrance but before Harry could hop down the hole, Fawkes gripped him by the shoulders and gently carried him down.

"Oh, hu, thank you Fawkes."

The phoenix nodded and shifted over to perch on one shoulder.

Choosing not to wonder at the phoenix on his shoulder he placed the hat on his head and proceeded.

"You mind if I ask you something?" he asked.

"Why did I have Godric's sword?"

"Yeah."

"I always had it when he wasn't using it" said the hat, "I was his hat you know."

"I didn't know" admitted Harry.

"Godric had a spell that could summon the word right into his hand, he attached a similar spell to me."

"So, I could pull the sword out of you no matter where it was?"

"You or anyone of Godric's other descendants" said the hat, "The sword is bound to his bloodline after all."

"And some people thought it was lost."

"Not lost. Never lost. Always within reach" said the hat.

"Can you teach me the spell?" asked Harry, "The one Godric used."

"I thought you didn't plan to use it."

"Not on the basilisk" said Harry, "I may have use for it later though."

"Hm, yes, yes I see. Sweet Merlin man!"

Harry chuckled at the hat's exclamation. It was true his life read like a fairytale, and it had only gotten weirder since he'd died.

"Here we are."

The entrance to the chamber itself.

"He did have a certain, aesthetic, didn't he" the hat mused.

"He did at that" said Harry, hissing the door open.

"You're sure it will be here?" asked the hat.

"No" said Harry, "It must leave sometime to feed. If it's not here I'll set up an alert system, so I know when it comes back. Maybe take the opportunity to explore the chamber a bit. I never have in the past."

"Why not?"

Harry shrugged, to the annoyance of the phoenix on his shoulder, "Sorry Fawkes."

Waving his wand in a well-practiced motion he scanned the room for signs of life. Nothing, not even a rat.

"Not in here, so how about" throwing the scan at the hideous statue of the chamber's namesake, "ah, there you are."

"It's in the statue?"

"It always comes out of there. I wonder if it doesn't asleep in there."

Taking a deep breath, Harry hissed at the statue and braced himself. He'd prepared himself for this conversation, though he couldn't deny a growing sense of trepidation as he watched the massive serpent slither out of the mouth of Salazar Slytherin.

"This seemed so much easier in my head."

"Yes, it did" the hat agreed.


	7. Chapter 06

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 06

…

Rituals were an incredibly complex and finicky branch of magic. They hadn't been taught at Hogwarts in any form or fashion in over a hundred years. This was mostly due to a lack of capable people to teach it, not any concern about the potential dangers.

I mean, come on, it's Hogwarts.

Despite a lack of tutelage there was no shortage of books and other assorted text's detailing the art to one degree or another. Most were locked away in the restricted section because… well, yeah, because.

Such barriers had never proven much of an obstacle to Harry, not even the first time around. Now on number 13 he came and went as he pleased. The defenses were nothing special, locks and bars and one snippy old witch. It's like they didn't even care.

None of that mattered to Harry. Even if they'd had a nesting mother dragon guarding the place he'd have found a way in. His current project was too important to let such trivial obstacles stand in his way.

"Hullo Harry, that's a lovely drawing."

Harry glanced up to find his favorite blonde and her bodyguard looking at him in that adorable big-eyed way only Luna could.

"Hello, sneaky feet. Didn't hear you come in."

"We're practicing our stalking" said Luna, "Mr. Bunbun already has the silent walk down but mine still needs some work."

"Well, Mr. Bunbun does have the advantage of being stuffed."

The bipedal bunny toy that followed Luna around like a shadow had been his best solution for the bully problem. It was just as tall as Luna and magicked to high heavens. Flitwick had been very impressed when he'd been introduced to the fluffy guardian. Less impressed by the reason for its existence.

Harry would never forget the expression on Flitwick's face when he'd said, "I see you have everything well in hand Mr. Potter" and then walked out of the room leaving everyone else to gape.

He wished he could say they'd taken the hint and left Luna alone.

"Has Mr. Bunbun had his exercise today?"

"Oh yes" said Luna, "three of the third-year girls thought I was alone and tried to lock me in a broom cupboard."

Wo said Ravenclaws were smart?

"Are you okay?"

"Oh yes, Bunbun was very firm with them."

As he should, that was how he'd been designed. It actually made him wonder why wizards didn't use golems more often.

"What are you drawing Harry?"

Oh right.

"It's a ritual circle Luna" he explained.

"Ooooooh!" she expressed adorably, "What does it do?"

Harry smiled at her innocence. It was a welcome change from dealing with just himself. Turns out himself was a crotchety old grump.

"If I've drawn it correctly, it should help me find the rest of these" he said, gesturing to the small leather-bound journal next to him.

Luna scrunched up her nose at the book, "Why would you want more of 'that'?"

"So I can destroy them" Harry said, returning to his work.

"Did you do this the other times?"

"I did not."

He didn't so much as bat an eye at her referring to his previous lives. He hadn't told her about them, but she still seemed to know. He didn't mind. Even if she did tell someone they'd never believe her.

"The last times I had to find these things, I knew where they were. I've already checked for several of the others and they weren't where I thought they should be."

"The rules of the game have been changed" she said.

There was an edge to her voice when she said this, but he chose to ignore it. If Luna was going to start prophesying, he wasn't sure he wanted to hear it.

"Or at least the locations have been changed" said Harry, "that being the case, I am forced to use alternative methods."

"I like alternative. Daddy has several records. What kind of music do you like Harry?"

"Never really thought about it" never had time to think about it.

"Music is good for the soul."

"Ya don't say" might explain why he was such a grump, "Would you hand me the map on the table there?"

"This is a very big map" she observed, handing the massive scroll over.

"It's a big world" he said, "If he's not using the usual hiding places, chances are his new ones aren't even in Britain."

"Have you been outside Britain Harry?"

"A little" some marks just insisted on running, "Alright, everything's ready, let's get started."

The chant he was using was a derivation of an old Norse hunting chant. He sat chanting for several minutes before the circle began to glow. Given how wide a net he was casting he needed to build a lot of power.

Minutes grew and grew, a half hour passed then, just as they approached the one hour mark he stopped. An eerie hum emanated form the circle as magic pulsed through the lines, the map, and most importantly, the horcrux.

"That should do it" he said, standing to examine the map.

"Did you find them?"

He wasn't sure. So far there was only one dot glowing on the map. The dot that represented them.

As they watched, others began to appear.

"Here we go."

They appeared slow at first. One, two, three. Harry didn't' recognize the locations but they were all in Britain. Number four was not.

"France. And, there's another, and another."

France in total had four, but it didn't stop there. The dots started coming faster and faster. Spain, Germany, Sweden, Norway.

"Sweet Merlin!"

It was like watching an infestation grow. The dots didn't stop till they'd reached the far side of the map.

"Good grief."

"Ew, so much ickyness."

It took him a while to count them all, and the final tally made him want to curse, "Seventy-seven" how did he even break his soul into that many pieces?

"What are you going to do Harry?"

Harry pondered the question for a time, staring at the map and its 77 glowing dots till he had his answer.

Taking the journal, he tossed it away from the ritual circle before blasting it with fiend fire till it was nothing but ash, the wail of the passing soul fragment didn't even make him flinch.

"Luna, I believe we will be seeking alternative measures for dealing with dark lords this time round."

Luna smiled at his declaration, "I like alternative."


	8. Chapter 07

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 07

…

War. War never changes. Until you throw guns into the mix, then things change real quick.

…

The streets of Diagon Alley were deserted and bleak. Rubbish blew on a cold wind like urban tumbleweeds. Broken glass lay under smashed windows and every building wore the pocks of battle.

A pair of figures skulked along under the moonlight. Stealing from shadow to shadow they advanced down the street, slipping past empty shops and their shattered dreams till they neared Gringotts.

The 'bank' or so it once had been, was the only building that didn't look like a dilapidated ruin. Four guards stood outside the entrance. Each wore the red crest of the crimson guard unit, their sidearms hanging form their belts while hands held the standard semi-auto high caliber assault rifles Gringotts guards preferred.

The two figures halted a safe distance for the bank and surveyed the guards.

"Four of'em, just like he said."

The other nodded, "Probably all they can spare with that action at the Chunnel."

The second, a female, glanced at her watch.

"How are we on for time?"

"Ten minutes. If he's not here by then we'll have to go without him."

The first cringed at the idea, "Don't like that. Don't like it one bit."

"Oh don't be such a baby. He's not your security blanket" the female groused.

"I don't need to hear that from the girl who snuck into his bed by claiming she was 'scared'."

"How did you hear… I mean."

The male just smirked. His female associate was not as sneaky as she thought.

"He better hurry, it looks like they're about to change the guard."

Four new goblins marched from within the bank and joined the four already at the door. The commander of each squad exchanged salutes then a few words before the old guard prepared to head in.

That's when it happened. A silent detonation right at the center of the group threw them all in different directions with bone cracking force, as evidenced by the ones that hit the wall or the two that skull bashed the pillars.

The rest were too stunned by the silent explosion to react when a near invisible presence appeared among them and began slitting throats.

Fountains of blood painted the stairs of Gringotts crimson and the invisible presence became far less to when he stepped in front of one such fountain in order to open up the last goblins throat.

"There he is."

"What is he doing? We were supposed to take them out together."

"Well we better get up there before he goes in without us."

"He wouldn't do that."

As though he'd heard her, the invisible assailant faded into view then strode casually through the doors of Gringotts.

"Ah! I can't believe he just did that."

"Why?"

While the female sputtered, the male shook his head and made a beeline for the door, no point in being subtle now. Not about to be left alone but still sputtering, the female followed.

Oh was she going to give those boys a piece of her mind.

…

In summation, their armory is now empty, mission accomplished."

"Thank you, Mr. Potter. You work is exemplary as always."

Harry nodded to commander Shacklebolt and awaited further orders.

"How's your team?"

"Hermione's annoyed I didn't wait for her. Ron's trying to stay out of swinging distance."

Shack grinned at his agent's assessment of his team, "You know, if not for this war I can't help but think those two would be married."

"What a horrible idea."

Kingsley laughed aloud and waved him out. Harry left the big man's office and found his team waiting outside.

"Well" demanded Hermione.

"Kingsley congratulates the two of you on your coming nuptials and request you not name your first born after him."

The sound of Ron snickering was drowned out by the sound of Hermione's face turning brilliant red.

"You alright Hermione? You look a little flushed."

"Ooooooooo, you… ugh!"

Too angry to form coherent speech and not fast enough to give him five across the face Hermione took what dignity she still had and stormed off in a huff.

"What's her problem?"

His innocently asked question was too much for Ron and he, like Kingsley, broke down laughing.

"I seem to be on a roll today" he mused aloud, "If anyone needs me I'll be in my rack."

Leaving Ron to laugh himself out he wandered through the underground bunker till he came to the barracks. There were a few people there that barely looked up when he came in and rolled onto his bunk.

He'd be going back out soon enough, either with a team or on his own and he needed to get some sleep before he did. Despite any assertions to the contrary, he was not a machine.

More than a few had asked him why he took on so many missions. Why was his hand always the first to go up when someone asked for volunteers? Why was he so eager to walk again and again into the jaws of death?

He never answered such questions. A cocksure smile was the most any ever got. He certainly wasn't a bout to tell them the truth. He wasn't about to tell them he was responsible for starting the war. That an eleven-year-old Harry Potter had put the idea int eh head of an overly ambitious goblin that had, five years later, started the next goblin rebellion.

A rebellion which had grown into an all-out war that had irrevocably shattered the statute of secrecy forever.

Yeah, oops.


	9. Chapter 08

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 08

…

Harry had never understood how people cold stand to be out in the sun for hours at a time. Given his limited experience, it just did not make any logical sense. That was before he'd heard of Tahiti.

As it turned out, not all islands were like his home. And some were about as far from like his home as you could get while still being surrounded by water.

"Your drink sir."

Harry glanced up at the bikini clad girl and casually slipped his glass off her tray.

"Thank you darling" he said, which made her blush.

There was something about his accent these tropical girls found sexy. He didn't really understand it but seeing as his body was fourteen again and the hormones were flowing like a river, he was not above using it to his advantage.

He was currently playing as a thirty-year-old version of himself, so it wasn't creepy for her to get so flustered at his advances. She thought she was flirting with a full-grown man, which in some ways wasn't wrong.

Here on his 39th trip through his life he could honestly say he was older than Dumbledore. The last few sets had actually been quite long.

After the 'goblin war' incident he'd been a little more careful about the things he said and to who. And given he had numerous ways to neutralize Voldemort that didn't involve the longest most un-fun camping trip in history, he needed to find things to do.

If there was one thing he knew for sure, a bored Harry was a Harry that went looking for trouble. And if that Harry happened to be Harry Potter, trouble was never far away.

"Snuffles, enjoy your swim?"

"Woof!" said the shaggy black dog with the shark fin tied to his head.

"Is this your dog?" the cute waitress asked.

"I suppose I have to claim him" said Harry.

Sirius whined and made a big production over how wounded he was. His hamming made the girl laugh and earned him a scratch behind the ears.

Sirius watched the girl walk away, tail wagging like there was no tomorrow and Harry couldn't help but laugh, "What am I going to do with you?"

Taking a quick look around before changing back, "Introduce me to her."

Harry shook his head, "I think her mother might be more your speed, or her grandmother."

"Oh sure, pick on your poor ole convict godfather" Sirius whined, "If I had a proper wand I'd show you a thing or two ya whippersnapper."

Harry smirked a wicked smirk, "Firstly, using the word whippersnapper totally doesn't make you sound old. And second."

With a casual gesture a wave of sand rose up and buried the old dog.

"Who needs a wand" Harry shouted so he earthbound godfather could hear him.

Wandless magic had been one of his time fillers. Not something he'd focused on an entire run through like the time he'd played as a Druid or when he'd devoted himself to the mastery of elemental magics. And of course, when he'd tried to become a Necromancer. That had instigated the last reset.

Totally worth it. Using Voldemort as his personal whipping ghost had been one of his best ideas to date.

But, unlike all those things which he used to make yet another run of his life interesting enough to get out of bed in the morning, wandless magic was just something he was always doing. It was actually easier than most people thought. It just required getting over the notion that a wand was 'required' to do magic.

"Plotting something?"

"Hm?" when did he dig himself out.

Sirius sat on his little sand hill looking at him, "Your dad used to make that face all the time" he explained, "it usually meant he was plotting something."

Good to know, "I was just thinking of starting my own religion."

"Do tell."

"Yes, I believe our deity should be the Flying Spaghetti Monster."

"Brilliant!"

His declaration was followed by a fit of laughter that sent him rolling of his little hill.

"You dare laugh heathen. You shall be the first to be smited, smoten, smitten? Whatever! The great noodle will not be mocked. Pray for the mercy of his holy sauce."

"SAUCE!" Sirius roared, "No more! No more, I'm gonna pee!"

Harry considered making him. It'd be funny. Ah, maybe later.

"Where, haha, where are you going?" Sirius chortled while Harry headed for the hotel.

"Sin today, repent tomorrow."

"Good advice" said Sirius, "still doesn't tell me where you're going."

"I thought I'd see what that nice young lady was doing this evening" he leered, "and if she'd consider making it me."

"Oy, no. I called dibs" Sirius protested.

"Don't worry, I'll see if her grandmother's free. Or her grandmothers Chihuahua."

That was too much for Sirius and Harry cackled all the way to the hotel with an angry convict wheezing along behind him.

He really needed this vacation. He'd have to make it a regular thing. Hopefully his new church wouldn't eat up all his free time.


	10. Chapter 09

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 09

…

In all its existence, Mimir's well had never been as popular as it had become when Loki and Venus had started playing The Life and Times of Harry Potter. The truly old and powerful deities had far too much free time and were always looking for new ways to spend their eternity's.

Though that's not to say there weren't detractors.

"It's so boring."

"Bast! How can you say that?"

Venus had been the biggest proponent of using the Master-of-death as a source of entertainment since Loki first suggested it. She was not a woman who took criticism well.

"We haven't had a mortal this entertaining since Tripitaka and his misfits did that road trip."

"Hey, as one of those misfits I take offense at not being named."

Venus pinned the one-time Monkey king with a withering glare that only made his grin even bigger, "Oh hush Wukong."

The Great Sage Equal to Heaven snickered but chose to refrain. He was more interested in watching the developing cat fight than in joining it anyway.

"Look, I'm not saying I haven't enjoyed it" said Bast, "But the last five seasons have been nothing but him powering through everybody, sleeping with any girl that smiled at him and basically being the new god of awesome and win."

"I liked the four way he had with all the Black sisters" said Venus, momentarily derailed by memories of naughty fun times.

"I liked the one where he made a religion about me" said the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

"Best church ever" Wukong agreed.

"Point is" Bast cut in before any of the others could start fangirling, "he's basically done everything he's gonna do within this format."

"What's a floor mat?" asked Loki, just arriving and catching the tail end of the conversation.

"Bast says Harry's boring" Venus accused.

"Bast! Say it ain't so" cried Loki like an over acting drama student.

"Do you ever feel fat, being so full of ham" the cat headed goddess inquired.

"Nope" said the Norse trickster, "high metabolism."

"I think all the fats just in his head" 'whispered' Wukong.

"Watch it Monkey, I got itching powder and I'm not afraid to use it."

"You should be" Wukong growled, remembering why he didn't like the Norse trickster.

Ignoring the threat, a feat in which he'd had much practice, "Seriously though, this is the best entertainment we've had in centuries."

"And it's getting repetitive."

"I hate to say it" Hera interjected, "but she is right."

"Et tu Hera" Venus accused.

"Don't give me that look child. You know its true. There's simply nothing left to challenge him. He's memorized the playbook. There is simply no one on that planet who can test him."

"So, lets try a different one."

The idea piqued everyone's attention.

"Can you do that?" asked the Spaghetti Monster.

"We've been dumping him into other Harry bodies because it was easy and that's what we wanted to watch, not because we needed to."

"A physical body would be easy enough to form and dump his soul into it. The current state of his soul makes transmigration much easier than a normal soul."

"How do you know so much about his soul Hera?"

The queen goddess blushed under the patron of loves knowing stare.

"Never mind" she said.

"Doesn't matter" Loki cut in, "It's a great idea."

"So, where should we send him?"

Everyone had the answer to this question and felt the need to voice it simultaneously. This of course led to an argument which nearly devolved into a fight before Hera broke things up.

"We'll not be starting another war thank you!" she said curtly, looking down at all the other gods, cowed before her like naughty children.

"Well, that was fun" said Loki, who'd simply sat and watched, "I believe then, first pick must go to you."

Hera looked at the well and considered her choice. A wave of her scepter and the image in the well changed.

"I believe this should do."

Loki peeked into the well and gave an appreciative whistle, "That should shake things up. Might be an awfully short season though."

"I'm confident he will adapt" said Hera.

Loki shrugged, "Be fun to watch either way."


	11. Chapter 10

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 10

…

Something was wrong, he knew it the moment he achieved consciousness. His body ached, that was normal. It was the feeling he'd come to associate with another reset, or waking from a three-day bender, thank you Sirius.

It was everything else that was wrong. For starters, his body was not ten years old. It wasn't eleven either, or twelve, or thirteen. He wasn't sure, but it felt like he was at least eighteen. He was full grown anyway, and naked as a jaybird.

That was the next thing. He hadn't woken up naked with a hangover in at least three resets so it probably wasn't that. Though if Luna showed up with a python draped over her he might have to reconsider.

"Where am I?"

He couldn't see. At least that hadn't changed. He pushed himself up into a kneeling sit and focused on integrating his last life. Noting special, he'd toyed with Voldemort a few years before sealing him away and moving on with his life, again.

He waited till he'd processed everything before making a slight adjustment to his eyes and taking a look around. He'd long ago learned a trick for fixing his poor vision and good thing, or he would have missed the magnificent splendor all around him.

He'd spent more than his fare share of time in various forests and woodlands, but he'd never seen anything like this. Trees rose up hundreds of feet like titanic towers of green. The normal sized trees squeezed in between seemed like pygmy's walking among giants.

A gentle breeze kissed his skin and blew old leaves into the air. Nearby a bush shook before producing a fuzzy sort of rabbit creature. It twitched its nose and rubbed its face before looking around and hopping away, not even sparing Harry a glance.

"Must be busy" he mused.

Taking in his surroundings he came to the obvious conclusion, he was not in his cupboard. In fact, he could confidently say, he was not in Britain, or Ireland. He wasn't sure it was a stretch to say he wasn't anywhere in Europe either.

He'd seen much of Europe and never been anywhere like this. This was different, new. He didn't like it.

New was rarely good, for him anyway. New always brought problems he would doubtless be expected to solve. And even if he wasn't, he'd still probably be inconvenienced by whatever it was and wind up doing it anyway.

He thought about just sitting there, waiting for whatever it was to come find him. That lasted for about five minutes when his boredom and his curiosity ganged up on him and forced him to go exploring.

Probably for the best, his butt was starting to itch.

His walk through the forest brought out his old druid who marveled at the vibrance of every living thing. All the trees, great and small were brimming with life. Animals darted between trunks and scurried around under bushes going about their business with such industry it was a sight to see.

The forbidden forest had been nothing like this. The life there had been cold and dank, almost necrotic at times. This place brimmed with warmth and vitality.

His musings were interrupted by a sudden wind and a long dark shadow falling. Something massive flew over, high up above the tree tops. A low rumble like thunder shook the trees and every living thing cowered in its hole or fled. All but Harry.

Harry had seen many a strange beast in his day but never anything of this magnitude. He had little doubt what it was, but the size. He'd never even heard of a dragon this size, but there was no question that is what it was.

The shadow began to pass but Harry ran after it. It may have been foolhardy and reckless, but on the other hand it was foolhardy and reckless, two perfectly good reasons to do anything.

As he chased the long patch of dark he noticed the trees began to shrink. It was hard to tell at first but when he could clearly make out the tops he knew he must be coming to the edge.

His assumption proved true, the forest fell behind giving way to a vast open field and Harry got his first look at what he'd been chasing. It was leviathan, the most enormous 'thing' he'd ever seen. The body alone was gargantuan but it's wings, reaching out for miles in either direction made it seem all the more massive. Certainly bigger than all the smaller dragons that swarmed around it.

Harry hadn't even time to wonder at what they were doing when the titan gave off a roar that shook the earth and everything else for miles, including Harry. A single stroke of its giant wings sent it sailing up beyond the clouds and out of sight while also blowing the smaller dragons into a hissing spitting fury descending toward the earth.

"Well this can't be good."

The swarm of dragons hit terra firma like a meteor. Harry felt the impact even well away from the landing zone as he was.

His distance did not save him from being noticed however, and a trio of those still in the air stooped at him like giant falcons, strafing white hot lines of fire across the ground he had but a moment before been occupying.

"Shit!"

The short distance apparition had saved him from flaming death, but it wasn't enough to lose them. They zeroed in again like winged bloodhounds and attempted once more to turn him to cinders.

Again, he avoided then turned to face them. He dared not try a long-distance movement, having no idea where he was, which left him with only one option.

He waited till they turned for another run then, digging his hands into the ground he yanked out a massive earthen clod. Spinning around twice he hurled his projectile at the largest of the three, knocking the surprised beast from the air and crushing it under the heavy clod.

The attack, surprising to the dragons, cut short their attack and the other two fled to the sky.

Harry didn't expect they'd stay up there long and wasn't about to give them the chance to regroup. Crouching slightly, he sprang from the ground, shooting into the sky like a giant naked arrow.

He buzzed the dragons once to rile them further before turning back to face them. They were clearly agitated by his presence in the sky, but it didn't stop them long. Streams of fire flew his direction only to stop just short and begin coalescing into a single ball.

Their attack continued till they ran out of breath, in which time Harry's fireball grew bigger than either dragon.

While the dragons caught their breath, Harry compacted his giant fireball into a white-hot sphere the size of his head. Seeing their attention return to him, he wound up and threw an inside slider directly between the two dragons.

The orb exploded like a half ton of TNT, sending both beasts hurtling toward the ground at fatal velocity.

Floating in the air half a mile up Harry could still feel the heat of the field below him burning. Off in the distance dragons continued to swarm and burn. He didn't understand. He had absolutely no point of reference for any of this.

To make matters worse, a new party joined the fray when a group of giants approached and began hurling boulders at the dragons.

Some of the dragons stopped swarming and started attacking the giants but Harry remained where he was, silently watching.

Things had changed. This was all new and he didn't like it one bit.

But why, why had it changed? He didn't know, and he liked that even less.

It did however answer the question that had been at the back of his mind since his first reset.

No, this was not happening by accident. Someone was fucking with him. And it was high time he figured out who.


	12. Chapter 11

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 11

…

It was hot and dry on the Ancestral Steppes. The sun beat down like an oppressive master and the air was stagnant and still. The only sound was the ever-present buzz of the Vespoid's as they hovered about in search of smaller creatures or abandoned carcasses.

Crunching through the tall brittle grass a man followed a trail. Small drops of blood on the grass, now dried, led him across the steppe. He was a hunter, unsurprisingly, one of the brave adventurous individuals who took up the calling to protect their fellow man by taking the fight to those that would threaten them.

Monsters. Not figurative things or 'the monster inside all of us', no, none of that philosophical tripe. Real breathing terrors, forces of nature given flesh. These were the things the hunter put their life on the line to destroy.

At least in theory.

For rookie hunters like Crevlin, a Great Jaggi was about as much as he could hope to handle. Even then he'd needed the rescue Felyne's to save him twice. He wouldn't be getting much for this quest.

But he would finish it. His pride would not allow him to fail. It also wouldn't allow him to ask for help but that's a separate matter.

The trail he followed was old, hours at least. After the last time he was carted he'd remained at camp to rest before heading back out. His quarry had covered some distance in that time undoubtedly.

That was alright. The Great Jaggi was on its last leg. It would need to eat and rest. It would return to its nest where it would be better protected by its pack.

The pack would make it harder but a regular Jaggi was nothing compared to the full grown Great Jaggi. He would succeed. He refused to believe anything else.

Coming upon a patch of blood still damp he became excited. He was getting closer. He drew his sword and readied his shield before cautiously marching on.

He found the beast lying on a slab of stone at the top of a gravel hill near a naturally created stone bridge. Its violet scales shimmered in the midday sun and its body was completely motionless.

Had he won. Did the beast bleed out as it hobbled back to its nest? Daring to hope he crept closer only to freeze when the body moved. The motions were sporadic and jerky like a marionette with tangled strings.

Then a head peeked over the body and the unnatural movement made sense. And the sight of the new beast with a piece of Great Jaggi hanging from his jaws stirred a new battle in the hunter. The battle between his bowels and his sphincter.

The obnoxious bark of a Jaggi drew both beast and hunter's attention, temporarily distracting one from his pants shitting terror.

The Jaggi was a recklessly brave sort of creature, in this case more suicidal and stupid. The big wyvern flared its nostrils and snorted contemptuously at the tiny thing before returning to its meal.

Not quite so stupid to pick a fight alone it raised its head and made a series of barks. Moments later a trio of Jaggi joined it along with a pair of Jaggia, the females of the species.

The big wyvern wasn't even paying attention to the little bird wyvern's which they interpreted as a sign of distraction, perfect for an attack.

The little ones charged in fearlessly leaping onto the big wyvern's back. Against its thick hide their clawed feet were useless and their tiny jaws could find nothing to properly latch onto. Not that it gave them the time.

As soon as they were on him the big wyvern turned angrily at his attackers before performing a full body spin, knocking its meal aside and throwing the four small beasts off.

Springy, as youths so often are, the Jaggi bounced back quickly and circled the wyvern, the two Jaggia moving up to join them. The big wyvern looked at the pests arrayed before it, dug in its claws and roared.

Outside of an Elder Dragon there is no creature whose roar is more powerful than a Tigrex, creating a shockwave powerful enough to physically throw any so unlucky to be on the receiving end.

The little Jaggi pack were tossed back like so many rag dolls. Two of the Jaggi did not get back up while the others observed the Tigrex more cautiously.

Crevlin didn't need to know how this played out. His quest was completed, sort of. He didn't need to stick around and get eaten by a beast way out of his league.

He gave the command to his legs to back away slowly but somewhere along the chain of command the order got muddled. By the time it got to his legs, which had been squatting rigidly at attention since they'd seen the Tigrex, it read fall on your ass.

The order was promptly obeyed.

Shortly after, the bowel sphincter battle resumed when the hard, hungry eyes of the Tigrex turned on him.

Its body shifted, a single clawed forelimb gripped the ground while its body bent low and tensed readying a charge.

"FLASH!"

The shout was followed by a brilliant light and a startled cry from the blinded Tigrex. Reflexively, Crevlin had ducked his head so the flash bomb had not stolen his ability to see. Good thing too, otherwise he would have missed what came next.

A man in plain looking armor bounded over the stunned Tigrex. Swinging his polearm and smashing the blunt end against the brute wyvern's head.

The blow surprised the already stunned wyvern and it fell on its side, flailing blindly.

The warrior pointed his staff weapon at the beast's neck and fired something into the thick hide. A swing of his arm released a massive beetle which flew at the Tigrex.

The Tigrex did not appreciate this and was quickly back on its feet facing the hunter. It tried to detach the suckling beetle, but it couldn't turn its head enough to get at it, so it chose to focus in the hunter, already in motion.

The Tigrex followed but it couldn't perform any kind of attack with the hunter simply running in circles.

Frustrated, the beast reared back and roared. The shockwave completely missed but it should have at least stopped the hunter as he was forced to cover his ears like Crevlin. It didn't. But it did open the Tigrex up to another attack.

The slash along its exposed throat was shallow but enough to startle the beast.

Giving a whistle the beetle returned to the hunter's arm and together they faced the Tigrex head on.

The angry brute wyvern charged recklessly, as was its nature and at the last second the hunter vaulted over firing a marker into its back and releasing his beetle once again.

The Tigrex wasn't done, frantically altering its course and coming back at the hunter who performed a sideways cartwheel that became a rolling vault down the gravel hill and into the stream below.

The Tigrex attempted to turn again but the loose gravel gave no purchase and it wound up toppling onto its side.

With a confidence that seemed to Crevlin to border on arrogance the hunter casually sauntered toward the Tigrex as it regained its feet.

The brute wyvern stared furiously at the hunter, its infamous fury beginning to show, red streaks glowing all over its body.

The hunter made no effort to avoid the shockwave roar this time. The powerful sonic attack picked him up and threw him all the way to the stone bridge. Rather than flop on his back the hunter rolled and landed on his feet, facing the Tigrex who charged without hesitation.

The hunter turned and ran under the arch, making a short hop as he passed through. The Tigrex followed and as it began to pass under the arch, its foot caught on a near invisible wire.

The bombs hidden on the opposite side blasted the Tigrex from both sides. It toppled and crashed hard, yet, despite the power of the attack it continued to move.

Pained and sluggish it fought to stand. The beetle abandoned its back and flew back to its hunter who approached the struggling Tigrex.

It was a foolish thing to do. Even a wounded monster was dangerous and a Tigrex was no common monster.

The Tigrex stared at the hunter then crouched low preparing to flee. An explosive shell took it in the claw and turned its leap into a clumsy roll.

Down from the far side of the hill rolled a Meowser tank, piloted by a Felyn and a Melynx who put another round into the struggling Tigrex, this time in the neck just below the jaw.

The hunter moved in a bounding lope that became a near inhuman sprint, his staff whirling like a tornado pinwheel. The blade worked over the damaged area on the neck, opening it up like a crimson creek.

The Tigrex tried to protest but found its flagging strength insufficient to the task. In an act of mercy, the hunter brought the heavy end of his staff down on the beast's head once more, robbing it of consciousness as its life bubbled swiftly out its neck.

And just as suddenly as it had started, the hunt was over. Crevlin was in absolute awe.

The hunter had already set up the signal for the guild and began carving the beast when Crevlin finally got off his ass and went to introduce himself.

"That was amazing, I mean, absolutely, amazing, I, It was…"

"Amazing" offered the hunter as he removed the Tigrex Plate.

"I'm Crevlin, Crevlin Collins" he said thrusting out an excitedly shaking hand.

"Harry Potter" the man replied, taking the offered hand and staring back at the over excited rookie with the most vibrant green eyes.

"I, I I… I" he babbled, his brain refusing to function whilst tapped in the other man's powerful gaze.

"That yours?" he asked, pointing at the discarded Great Jaggi.

"Huh, wha? Oh that uh, yes, yes I, I was that, hunting that! I was hunting that."

"Probably wanna get your carves before the guild shows up."

"OH! Yes, yes your right, I should, um, I should do that."

Still babbling like a freshman prom date Crevlin scampered off to carve his prize. But, even as he took his knife to the Great Jaggi, his mind was on the other hunter. Who was he? Where had he come from?

He had to find out.


	13. Chapter 12

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 12

…

A full moon hung over London town that night. A silvery disc casting long shadows across the cobbled streets that even the lamps at every corner could not dispel. That was where she stood, under the lamp, on the corner, her flimsy shawl barely hanging off her shoulders.

It was well past the hour when a lady should be out roaming the streets. How convenient then that she was no lady. A fact that would have been evident to anyone who lay eyes on her.

But there were none. Not eyes or the bodies traditionally associated with them. The night was calm, cold, and empty.

She sighed, scuffed the bottom of her shoe across the pavement, anything to pass the time. It wasn't the first time she'd spent hours standing under lamp and moonlight waiting for a likely customer to happen along. Certainly it would not be the last either.

A scraping sound in the dark drew her attention, but the skittering that followed lost it and she was about to lapse back into boredom only to catch sight of a shadowy figure coming down the street.

He was tall, lean and dark, barely more than a black silhouette in the poor evening light. He walked with a peculiar gate, smooth and flowing, almost like he was gliding across the cobbles rather than walking.

None of that concerned her. She'd seen stranger things in her profession and moonlight was in the habit of playing tricks on one's eyes.

Letting her shawl slide fully off her shoulders and folding her arms to push up her assets she waited for the figure to come near. His trajectory left no question as to whether he had noticed her, and she licked her lips before putting on her best pout as he came within range.

Those same lips dried to sand when his hat tipped up and she saw what was concealed beneath, darkness and two glowing crimson 'eyes'.

Stories had been going around for weeks about a monster stalking the darkened streets, hunting the females of a particular occupation. She had thought that was all they were, stories.

She opened her mouth to scream but her voice was stolen away, first by fear, then by the frigid hand that wrapped around her neck like a noose and lifted her into the air.

She felt as some bright-eyed girl child's rag doll in that monstrous grip, not a living reasoning being but a thing to be acted upon by a being superior to herself. The shape his free hand took as he held her aloft made it clear what sort of action would soon be upon her and tears began to roll down her cheeks.

The harsh crack of a gun was followed by a furious inhuman shriek and she fell to the cold hard stones gasping for life giving breath.

"I must say old boy, what you were doing just now was not very gentlemanly."

The voice that spoke the words was calm, confident, and cultured. Daring a glance, she found the man attached to be likewise calm, confident and cultured. He held his smoking pistol squarely on the aberration while the other held, of all things, a smoking pipe, as though shooting some skulking night terror was something one just did after walking out of the study.

He casually puffed his pipe even as the red-eyed shadow lunged at him with a horrid bestial wail and clearly lethal intent.

His gun barked again and again but his bullets found no purchase in the beast who expertly dodged. Without the element of surprise, it seemed the black demon was easily a match for one man with a revolver.

Two men with revolvers proved more of a challenge and the second's opening shot was timed perfectly to save his friend from a potentially fatal strike while also giving him the perfect opportunity to get in a couple shots at point blank range.

The creature fell back with several glowing holes visible in its torso. Sensing it was outmatched or perhaps seeking a better position from which to fight, the red-eyed shadow turned and ran.

"Oh, now I suppose he expects us to chase him" said the second man.

"Really now doctor, weren't you just telling me the other day you don't get enough exercise" said the man with the pipe.

"Chasing demons down back alleys in the middle of the night was not what I had in mind."

"De… demons!"

The startled exclamation drew their attention to her and after a brief but silent conversation the man with the pipe walked off after the demon while the doctor approached her.

"Indeed so I'm afraid" he said, kindly helping her to her feet, "That said, I think we can agree this is no night for young ladies to be roaming the streets. Best you be getting home miss."

Putting a rolled-up wad of papers into her trembling hands he placed a paternal kiss on her cheek before straightening his hat and dashing off after his associate.

Shocked as she was she still possessed the presence of mind to examine that which he had pressed upon her. What she discovered almost stilled her heart for a second time that evening for what she held in her hands was a roll of banknotes, the quantity of which was more than she typically earned in a month.

Finding wisdom in the kind doctors' suggestion she lifted her skirts and ran home as fast as her legs could carry her.

Meanwhile, the doctor had caught up to his associate who paced about the street, revolver in hand.

"You lost him?"

The man shook his head, "Only sight of him. My first shot is still on him. The tracking charm is functioning."

The revolver moved in his hand like a dousing rod, leading the man and his pipe back and forth along the street.

The doctor took a moment to collect himself and assess his surroundings. An odd juncture of street and alleyways. There were no less than half a dozen dark passages where he could be hiding, and the way the dousing revolver moved he seemed to be in all of them consecutively.

"He's moving through the shadows" the doctor observed.

"That would be the obvious summation. He must hope to do us in before he retires for the evening or he'd have been long gone before you caught up."

"How fortunate, wouldn't you say."

The pipe man smiled at his medically minded colleague, "Indeed. Might you be a good chap and call the hounds. Let us not be at this all evening."

"Of course old boy" the doctor nodded.

Placing two fingers into the sides of his mouth, the doctor let out a sharp whistle like one might use to summon a faithful bird dog. The high pitch summons echoed the empty streets but immediately appeared to have had no greater effect.

Then came the reply, a howl, low and deep like a bloodhound. Another quickly joined it, higher than the first, a terrier perhaps. The next was eerie, almost wolf like and followed by yet more.

Soon there was an entire pack baying into the darkness. The doctor whistled again, a long, enunciated, intentional command. The howls responded then ceased, replaced by the sound of canines on the hunt.

"That should do it" the doctor remarked to his associate who stood patiently puffing away on his pipe.

A few moments later he was proven correct when the sounds of hounds on the hunt became hounds on the attack. A furious shriek joined the canine chorus and the clamor of struggle rang up and down the streets.

"Sounds as if they found him" the man said, tapping out his pipe and giving his revolver a brief inspection.

"Shall we bring it in?"

The man stroked his chin in thought, "Probably aught to. The constabulary does like to keep abreast of these things."

"Even if they do nothing to address them" the doctor added, dipping his hand into a breast pocket and producing a shining silver bullet.

"I see them!"

Caught in a few stray beams of moonlight a vaguely mannish thing could be seen assailed by black forms with glowing eyes and flashing teeth.

"They're driving him this way."

"Excellent. Be ready to call them off once I've a clear shot."

Ripping and tearing at the red-eyed black demon the shadow hounds drove him out into the open street before a sharp whistle drove them back, leaving the vicious aberration standing alone, looking down the sights of a shining revolver.

The first shot took it in the shoulder, blasting out a massive hole while the second destroyed what may have been a foot or possibly a talon.

The creature cried out at such treatment, a horrid unnatural sound no human thing was ever meant to make.

"It would seem the jig is up old boy. What's say we pack it in."

The thing stared at the man with burning hate filled eyes. The loss of one minor appendage did nothing to hamper when it leapt at the man, claws outstretched.

The demonic thing never registered the shining silver bullet that tore through its head, exploding it like some thick black vapor. But that wasn't all. Once exploded the vapor inverted, swirling in a vortex centered around the fatal bullet which pulled the darkness into itself like sucking mud through a particularly thick straw.

Its job completed, the now black bullet fell to the cobbles with a metallic ding. One of the hounds approached the artifact, picked it up in its mouth, and trotted over to the doctor to present his prize.

"And so ends the reign of 'the ripper'" said the doctor, taking the item form his faithful hound, "thank you Baskerville."

"Jack the fourth wasn't it?"

"Yes, I believe we are up to four, aren't we."

The man nodded as he relit his pipe, "Perhaps this one will be more forthcoming with the whereabouts of the one who summoned him, and we can at last put this case to bed."

"Is it beginning to bore you?" the doctor inquired with a knowing grin.

"Dreadfully so. The tedium of it all. My mind rebels at the stagnation."

The doctor chuckled at his friends' theatrics, "You missed your calling Holmes. You should have been in theatre."

"You are too kind Dr. Potter."

Yes, Doctor Potter. His newest incarnation had been both exciting and infuriating, rather like his roommate. The newness yet familiarity of Victorian London was a welcome change after the past six or seven 'worlds' he lived in, and a wholly new magic system to study meant he was never bored.

Still, it had brought him no closer to understanding his condition nor who was pulling the strings. In that sense it was all maddeningly the same.

"Come doctor, let us go home. I believe a brandy might well be in order."

Harry, Harrison, smiled, "You'll get no argument from me."

"Some music as well. I find myself strangely in the mood."

"Oh Holmes" he protested.

"Silence Philistine!"

It wasn't that his friend couldn't play his violin, and with some skill, it was just that every time he did the hounds insisted on lending accompaniment. The neighbor's complaints were such a bother.


	14. Chapter 13

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 13

…

They were coming up the hill in two neat rows. Such discipline and coordination was unusual for a bunch of orcs. How worrisome.

He moved silently around the smooth stones that walled in the small path. It was a difficult choice he had to make. Let them pass and get to wherever it was they were going, or, be responsible and butcher the filthy monsters before they went another dozen yards.

It was a conundrum. But he wasn't going to solve it skulking around like a skittish hawk. He circled ahead to the peak of the trail and waited till they drew close before revealing himself.

Their coordination was a bit lacking in the 'halt' and he resisted the urge to chuckle at how they piled on one another. Their leader was not so amused and barked harshly at them before turning his attention to the cloaked individual barring their way.

"Who are you ranger?" he demanded.

And now they were asking for names, "Clayman."

"Stand aside clay man, or die."

Now that was more like it, "Where you going in such a hurry?"

"None of your business human" snarled one of the others.

"Shut up" growled the leader.

"Come, come, let's not fight" said Clayman with an impish grin.

Losing what little patience he had, the leader drew his sword and charged, the others following closely after. He grinned, so predictable. With a small bound he was over their heads, slashing downward with his sword as he ran the length of the column.

Their cries and screams echoed in the narrow passage as they scrambled to defend or attack only to be cut off and cut down.

Reaching the end of the line he gracefully hopped to the ground, turned and stabbed the nearest orc. The lines were in chaos, but he'd only gotten one more before he was presented with a pair of shields.

"Oh bother" now he was at something of a disadvantage.

He'd knowingly given up the high ground to perform that little stunt, hoping to take them out before they could muster a proper defense. No such luck. Holding their thick metal shields side by side he was perfectly blocked. His sword couldn't hope to pierce such thick metal. Although.

"Watch your footing" and he stabbed the one on the left through the right foot.

The orc stumbled back flailing, knocking the other orc off balance in the process. One sharp thrust killed that one and a second finished what he'd started with the other.

More up the line produced or tried to grab the fallen shields but he worked through them with near surgical precision. No fancy slashes just quick well-placed stabbing.

It was a lesson he'd learned from fighting so long in close quarters, all that fancy sword work may look nice, but a good clean thrust would kill them just as dead, and it wouldn't bounce off the walls and ceilings at the worst possible moment either.

With more than half their number slain in a matter of minutes, those remaining chose the better part of valor and fled. All but one. Their leader snarled and cursed furiously at their backs but to no avail.

His men gone, he turned his anger on the ranger, "YOU!"

Clayman gave a mock bow which only served to infuriate the inhuman humanoid further. Screaming a frightful battle cry it raised its sword and charged down the passage.

The passage was narrow, barely big enough for the two columns of orcs to pass through, even standing shoulder to shoulder. There was nowhere to go so he didn't.

He waited for the last moment, till the orc was practically on top of him, then he moved. A short lunge forward dodged the sword slash meant to cleave him in two and put him in a position to leverage his own weight against the orc's lower half.

Force and momentum did their job and the orc flipped up and over his shoulder, landing with a pained sounding 'whoomph'. The ranger gave him no time to recover, raising his sword and plunging it through his eye. The twist at the end was wholly unnecessary.

Violence concluded, he took a moment to steady his breathing. He'd need to hunt down the others now. How troublesome.

Wiping the blood off his sword he bounded back up the passage and stopped dead. One of the escaped orcs lay lifeless not twenty feet away. Perplexing though, he was facing the wrong direction.

His answer presented itself in the form of a slinky female, holstering a pair of sharp slim daggers.

"Nel!" he exclaimed reflexively, cursing himself for being caught off guard.

"Harry" she chirped, absently tucking a lock of golden blonde hair behind a delicate pointed ear, "I was wondering where you'd gotten to."

"Oh really" he said, adopting a bored tone and going to examine the body.

"That's right. But just when I think I've found you these big brutes come screaming out of nowhere and attack me."

"That so."

"Naturally I had no trouble handling them, though that one did try to get away and I knew that if orcs were running away from something like little girls, it had to be you."

An uncomfortably long pause followed in which he was obviously meant to respond.

"Harry?"

"Huh, you say something."

It may have seemed a childish sort of response, pretending to ignore her, but it had been the nature of their relationship almost from the get-go.

Flopping onto his back and wrapping her arms around him, "Why are you so mean to me" she whined.

"You still here?"

Rather than be put off by his apparent disinterest she only clung tighter, "Why won't you love me Harry"

He wasn't about to answer that question. And it wasn't that he overtly disliked her, she was just so obnoxious when she thought he liked her.

Lord Elrond could offer no explanation for her peculiar behavior, though Harry wasn't sure that meant he didn't know. He'd seen the secretive little grins. Their 'romantic' dynamic was probably the best entertainment he'd had in decades.

"Harry, why won't you just say your glad to see me."

He glanced back at the dewy-eyed elf girl, "Will it get you off my back?'

"Yeeeeessss" she hedged unconvincingly.

"No."

"Waaaa! Why won't you love me?"

Why indeed.


	15. Chapter 14

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 14

…

There was something about mornings, something that just made you want to spring out of bed and greet the day. If you had any sense of self-respect you stifled such feelings whenever possible, I mean really.

That didn't stop some of course as self-respect could be quite lacking in a certain sort of person. And it was generally this sort who also felt the overwhelming compulsion to share this unfortunate sensation with those around them. Such was the case with Genma Saotome.

Such a fine example of a father figure, he stood over his son with a pail full of icy water preparing to help him greet the day. Pity really when children just don't appreciate the things their parents do for them.

Sitting at the table in the living room Akane Tendo had a front row seat for Genma's morning dive into the koi pond. The emergence of a panda from said koi pond didn't even warrant an extra blink.

"Morning."

The youngest Tendo daughter turned to find the panda's son coming down the stairs, hand running through the messy dark hair that defied all brush or comb to tame.

"Harry" she said, "your throw was a bit off this morning. His entrance into the pond is usually smoother."

"Yeah, I had a rough night" he said, plopping down at the table, "First Mousse pops up making some weird accusation and starts throwing things at me. Then Kuno shows up and adds his two cents, and then, because it wouldn't be a party without him, Ryoga punches through the nearest wall."

"Oh, Ryoga's back in town?" she asked

"He was last night, couldn't rightly say if he still is. You know how he gets around."

"So you got into a fight with the guys, that doesn't sound so bad."

"Only because you've never had to fight all of them" he shot back, "But it didn't end at that. After I'd managed to get them fighting each other I made to sneak away when Shampoo arrives and tackles me with her bike."

"Stupid Chinese bimbo" she complained under her breath.

"Of course, that got everyone's attention and next thing I know I'm fighting a three-way battle with a girl wrapped round my neck."

"Not the first time" she said without pity.

"But, since I hadn't been punished enough, Ucchan showed up, saw Shampoo and got all mad at me."

"Yep, sounds right."

"But, before she can even start in on me, Kodachi shows up, riding Mr. Green Turtle."

The mention of the Kuno sister's pet crocodile made Akane cringe, "Okay, I'll admit that one you didn't deserve."

"Didn't deserve the next one either. This ugly woman, and I mean ugly, like my dad in drag ugly, comes running through and she's being chased by these five girls in figure skating outfits hurling magic attacks."

"Good grief!"

"Yeah, well it didn't end there but I stopped keeping track after Nuku Nuku showed up."

"Was she being chased by the helicopter again."

"Yep."

Akane shook her head, "I'm surprised your still alive."

"Aww, you do care."

"Keep dreaming."

"Oo, burn."

The two looked up as the middle Tendo daughter joined them.

"Is it noon already" quipped Harry.

"Funny Saotome" she said, "I only caught the end of that, but it sounds like you were busy last night."

"A bit."

"So, how'd you get away?" asked Akane, "I mean, not that I care" she added unconvincingly.

"Well I do" said Nabiki, "so spill."

"Not much to tell" he said, "group that size, only one way to deal with them."

"Oh no."

"You didn't."

His incredulous look had Nabiki scrambling for the tv remote.

"And the authorities are still unable to comment on the freak tornado that hit the Nerima district last night."

The Tendo's glared at their houseguest as the woman on the television droned on.

"What?"

"Don't what me Saotome" said Nabiki, "do you know the trouble you could have caused this house."

"More than I already do?"

He had her there and she knew it, "I hate when you're right."

Harry just smiled. His life as a Saotome had been the very definition of chaos but it wasn't so bad. Now that he was used to being someone new every time he died he'd gotten over his fixation with all new things being bad.

This particular incarnation had greatly improved his hand to hand fighting. While the elves of middle earth had a well refined martial art and he'd been in more than a few fist fights while running around London with Sherlock Holmes, the Anything goes style was on a whole other level.

Though nothing he'd learned had brought him any closer to the people controlling his lives, still, it wasn't a total wash.

"Where are you going?"

"Gonna go make sure the usual bunch are all alive" he said, "Ukyo isn't as durable as some of the others and I really don't think we want a giant crocodile roaming the streets, especially if it's hurt."

A martial artist's duty was to protect the weak after all. Too bad most of them didn't appreciate it.


	16. Chapter 15

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 15

…

If there was one thing you could say about the Underdark, it was that it definitely lived up to is name. It wasn't just dark, it was worse.

There was never enough light to see but it was never so dark you couldn't glimpse the things that skittered around just out of sight. Even the tamest sections of the Underdark were not for the weak or faint of heart.

The terrain leading to the Lost temple of Lolth was not tame by any stretch of the imagination. Nor was it well documented which made the approach that much more treacherous.

"Are we sure this is the right way?"

"Of course not, if we were sure we wouldn't need this goblin scribbled parchment that alleges to be a map."

The gray skinned duergar glared at the ebon skinned drow, "You are a terrible navigator."

"I'd like to see you do better" the drow snapped.

"Here we go again."

The wizard and the warlock stopped to watch the two under worlders begin bitching at one another again. There group had only been together little more than two weeks, yet you could already set your clock by the regularity of their quarreling.

"Are we stopping" asked the death knight.

The two magic users gestured at the bickering pair and the necrotic warrior nodded.

"That time again."

"You'd think they'd be tired of it by now" said the warlock, absently scratching his horns.

"There's a fine line between love and loathing" said the wizard, "and it is a restless place."

"I dare you to tell them that."

"Not on your life."

"Are we stopped? What's going on?"

"Finally caught up" said the warlock.

The half-goblin stuck out her tongue at the warlock, "Who asked you."

The death knight looked to the wizard, "Love and loathing?"

The wizard shook his head, "Not enough passion."

Fifteen minutes later the bickering had devolved into heated stares and the death knight used the opportunity to get the group moving again.

With an arrogant turn-up of the nose the drow led on, leaving the rest to follow in her wake.

"Have I mentioned how glad I am to have joined this party" the wizard commented, "Such a jovial bunch."

"I know what you mean" said the warlock, "It's like a laugh a minute."

"If I had your face I'd probably laugh to, just to keep from crying" quipped the half-goblin.

The warlock made a sour face, "I do not like you very much."

The half-goblin feigned injury, "Oh, my poor heart, it breaketh so."

"I don't know when we had boar but there seems to be an excess of 'ham' in you two" remarked the wizard.

"Mm, ham" said the girl.

"Blech, filthy heathen meat. Dire rat, now that is proper foodstuff."

"Only if you like to wrestle with your food" said the death knight.

"How would you know" accused the warlock, "you don't even eat."

"But I remember" the undead moaned.

"Would you idiots shut up" snapped the drow, "this spike field is not on the map."

The 'spike field' was a long patch of ground and ceiling covered in stalactites and stalagmites. So many it seemed nearly impassable, nearly. If they moved slowly they could all probably get through, but it would take an inordinate amount of time.

"I knew it, I knew it, you got us lost!"

"I did not, it's this stupid map."

"More like the stupid person reading the map."

"What did you call me!"

"It's a wonder their fighting hasn't called every foul thing for miles down on our heads by now" whispered the warlock.

"Maybe" mused the wizard, "maybe their just waiting."

Picking up a small stone from the ground, he chose a ceiling spire at random and hurled. He was surprisingly strong for a human and the small stone knocked the spike loose and sent it hurtling to the ground.

The meteoric crash stopped the bickering, but only because the drow had someone else to yell at now, "What the hell was that for!"

"Just testing a theory" said the wizard nonchalantly.

"What are you talking about? Do you have any idea how loud that was? Did you want to announce our presence to the whole Underdark?"

The wizard patiently weathered her verbal assault, conscious of a measured rumble of the floor. She was still yelling at him when two massive ogres appeared out of a passage on the other side.

"Well look what it is brother."

"A bunch of tasty morsels just in time for supper."

"Now look what you did!"

The wizard rolled his eyes at her accusation, "This must be their doing."

Before the drow could berate him again he grabbed her by the jaw and forced he to look at the fallen spike, or more importantly the odd little thing with the skittering legs attached to the bottom.

"Starting to understand."

It didn't much matter if she did or not, the two ogres were clearly working a well-practiced routine. A red orb was produced and placed on the ground. There was a flash and suddenly a glowing crimson wall barred their escape.

"That's not good" said the half-goblin.

"Meh, with legs that long its doubtful we could have outrun them" said the warlock.

"So we fight" the death knight spoke drawing his sword.

It wasn't a question and as the ogre's started marching through the spike field, shrugging off falling spires like they were nothing, it looked like it would be a very short and one-sided fight.

"Anything in your bag of tricks wizard?"

The wizard smiled at the warlock, "Always."

Drawing a few runes in the air a great torrent of brackish water began filling the spike field.

"What is that?"

"Sea water."

"Do you really think that's going to stop them?" demanded the drow.

"No."

"I have an acid bomb" offered the green-skin girl.

"Hold onto that" said the wizard, "in case this doesn't work."

The ogres were nearly on them, trudging through ankle deep sea water when he cast is next spell.

"Lightning!"

Streaks of wild electric power leapt from his hands and into the water. There was a great screaming that filled the spike field and the two ogres seized up, their eyes lighting like Christmas lights before they began to smoke.

Holding the spell till he was sure it had done its work he ceased the assault, letting the dead ogres topple as well as the horde of spires that had been on the floor.

"Hm, how anticlimactic" said the death knight.

"Why didn't you just blast them with the lightning?" asked the duergar.

"Elemental resistance" said the wizard, "the water acting as a medium makes for a good workaround."

"Yes, yes fine, great can we go now" the drow snapped.

The group followed the moody drow, though not because any of them wanted to. All of them were after something, the same something.

All except Harry. The wizard had no interest in cursed artifacts. His interest was with the alter and what it would allow him to do. Lolth was one of the few deity he'd heard of he thought might be willing to talk to him.

It had started when he'd tried to go down the warlock path, only to discover no patron would answer his call. After a dozen attempts he came to the obvious conclusion. Someone was blocking him.

He reasoned that whoever or whatever was responsible for his lives was probably to blame, which gave him some idea to the nature of the beast at last. With that understood, he'd gone in search of a higher power that would be less likely to be influenced by other higher powers.

If Lolth didn't work out he had a few others to try, but first the spider bitch.


	17. Chapter 16

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 16

…

To begin a story, one should start at the beginning. At the beginning there was a child and a monster. Both were very old souls, tormented by forces beyond their understanding, hated and feared by all around them.

The monster in its cage bayed for blood, torture and pain. The child, while angry at its treatment, resisted the temptation to let the beast have its way.

And so, the years passed, but nothing changed. The icy stares followed the growing boy wherever he went. If not for his old soul, tempered against such ignorance, who can say how he might have turned out.

But, even the most patient sage can reach his limit, and while the beast would have preferred carnage and death, the child's alternative was not without its merits.

…

"Hokage-sama, Hokage-sama" cried the panicked office nin.

"Yes" said the formerly retired leader of the village hidden in the leaves.

"It's… It's."

The Hokage rolled his eyes. He knew what 'it' was. The office monkeys only got this worked up by one thing.

"Where is he?"

…

"Hari."

"I'd just like to take this opportunity to say whatever it is I'm being accused of is a blatant fabrication and I will not stand for these slanderous accusations. I demand something be done at once!"

The third Hokage fought to stifle a chuckle, "Is that all?"

The young man silently went back over his speech, counting of all the important points with his fingers, "Yes" he said.

"Hm, now why would you assume that someone was claiming you did something?" asked the old man as he stroked his beard.

"Someone's always saying something about me. I got a rep ya know."

"Oh?"

"Totally undeserved" he added.

"Of course, of course" the Hokage nodded, "Then I suppose you wouldn't know anything about a large flour bomb that went off in the market today."

"Did you know evaporated milk is almost indistinguishable from common flour at first glance?"

"I didn't" so that's what it was made of, "Does it make people itch as well?"

"No, for that you need itching powder but not the usual stuff, it's too grainy."

"Good to know. And if I wanted to turn it red?"

"I'd use finely ground red pepper. Ya know, if I did that sort of thing."

"Of course, if. And I don't suppose you were anywhere near the market during the event in question?"

"No sir. I was at the academy training ground which is at least a ten-minute sprint from the market."

"Ten minutes."

The totally not guilty boy nodded.

"Would have been an awful long fuse."

"Sure would, and as I'm sure you know, the longest fuses at the academy are the five-minute ones. I would have had to steal one from the armory, fourth rack, second shelf, fourth box from the right… which I would never do because stealing is wrong."

"Wrong" the Hokage agreed, "and do you have anyone to corroborate your story?"

"The usual witnesses."

"I believe most people call them friends."

"Same thing."

The old mans face cracked a little but he fought the grin down. He'd wait till he was gone and then laugh his ass off.

…

"And he said all of that with a straight face"

The Hokage nodded at his son's inquiry.

"I've heard he was the dead last in his class, but that's just" said Kurenai, trying to be polite.

"I don't buy it" said Anko.

"That's because you know him" said Genma.

"So you think he did it?" asked Kurenai.

"Of course he did it" interrupted the Hokage, "And he was good enough to explain exactly how he did it and why I'd never be able to prove it. He's really such a thoughtful boy, saving me all that time.

"If he's so clever, why is he at the bottom of his class?" Asuma said.

"What does he gain by being at the top?" Anko retorted.

"Respect."

"From who, those silly twits that fawn all over the Uchiha kid."

"I think the point he was trying to make" Kurenai cut in before an argument could start, "is how can we be sure he knows the material when he tests so poorly."

"By talking to him" said the Hokage, "which I have, at length. Just last week we had the most engaging conversation on the history of the hidden villages and their various alliances throughout their existence. He even knew a few things that I had forgotten. Make no mistake, he knows the material."

"Then why…" started Asuma only to be interrupted by the arrival of the perpetually tardy nin.

"Yo" said Kakashi.

"Kakashi, how nice of you to join us" said the Hokage, "and only thirty minutes late today."

"Sorry, I just got lost on the road of life" he said with a shrug.

"Really? Thirty minutes and that's the best you could come up with" Anko sniped.

"That's enough" said the Hokage, "Now that Kakashi is here we can begin."

…

"Alright! Roll call."

"Must you be so loud? So troublesome."

"That's Cloudgazer present" said Hari, "Mr. Hound and his pet boy?"

"Ruff!"

"Akamaru says here" Kiba translated.

"Very good. Sir Muchalot?"

"… Here!" said Chouji through a mouth full of food.

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

"But then he'd never say anything" joke Kiba.

"Not true" countered Hari, "he'd talk in his sleep."

"It's true" agreed Chouji.

"Very good. And of course, The fox in the henhouse is here."

"He better be" said Shikamaru, "since he's the only one who has a key."

"Details, details" Hari waved him off, "so since everybody's … wait a second. Where's Big eyes?"

His answer came in the form of two arms wrapping around him and a face being pressed into his back followed by several happy noises.

"Found her" said Chouji.

"Thank you Munchalot" said Hari, "Hello Big eyes."

Looking over his shoulder he saw a happily smiling Hinata staring back.

"Would you like to join us at the table."

She thought about it for a second then moved up, so she could rest her chin on Hari's shoulder.

"I'm good."

The others snickered but Hari just took it in stride. He really didn't mind her being clingy. He knew just too well how much she needed it.

"Alright, since everyone's here, this meeting of the Marauders of Mayhem can begin."

…

The Kyubi chuckled at his hosts latest antics. He'd mellowed considerably over the years, aided by the never-ending stream of hilarity that was the true vengeance of his host against the people of Konoha.

And to think, he'd just wanted to kill them. What had he been thinking? Humiliation was so much more fun.


	18. Chapter 17

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 17

…

Dawn, a transitory period between night and day. When the shadows of evening flee under the relentless rays of morning. When those that haunt the darkness and skulk under moonlight return to their holes and hollows to wait for dusk and the coming of new night.

Murkrow sat perched in a tree, nodding off as night gave way to day. He was a third shifter, night worker, for him sunrise was 'getting late'. He yawned a wide beaky yawn, eyes fluttering as gravity dragged the heavy lids lower, lower.

Creeping round in the underbrush a head of messy black hair poked out. Startling green eyes behind a pair of binoculars followed. The Murkrow drifted, oblivious to its observation.

The prowling Pokémon trainer nodded to himself and made a sharp gesture with one hand. In the shadows across the way a pair of golden eyes glowed in anticipation.

Ducking back into the bush the trainer crawled silently out the bottom, rushing behind the nearest tree. Hopping from cover to cover he moved closer and closer till finally he was within a stone's throw of the black bird Pokémon.

Then, producing a stone from his pocket, he threw it. The Murkrow, now all but asleep, took the hit completely by surprise. It staggered and fumbled before toppling from the tree in a head long dive for the ground.

It's collision with the earth was prevented when the Vulpix darted from the shadows and slammed into it with a splendid Headbutt, altering its course and splattering it against the tree.

Not sleeping, but no longer conscious, the Murkrow peeled off the tree and flopped to the ground, eye swirly's in full effect.

The trainer smiled and came out into the open, resizing an empty pokéball, "And that is how you do it."

With a casual toss he balled the Murkrow and waited for it to catch.

"Vulpix?"

"Of course, you did a very good job sweetie."

The little fox Pokémon preened under his praise and nuzzled his leg, demanding to be picked up. The trainer laughed and lifted the Vulpix into his arms while also retrieving his new Murkrow.

"Come on, let's go see if the others are up yet."

"Vul!"

Their camp was set up near a small river, far enough from the trees not to fear starting a fire. They strode into camp to find the tent open but no one in sight, save a curious Ledyba come to inspect the open tent.

Harry shook his head, set down Vulpix and walked over to the river. As expected, that's where he found her. Her long brown hair clung to her naked back as she stood mostly above the water.

"Good morning Helen."

The girl jumped and scrambled to cover herself, quite a feat given the generosity of her assets, and only at fifteen.

"Oh uh, good morning Harry, I was just, I uh…"

Harry snickered at the blushing stammering girl, "Yes, so I see" he said, "Don't be too long, unless you want to give Arthur a show."

Laughing at her sour face he turned and marched back to camp to start on breakfast. Outside of a wild Pokémon attack it was the easiest way to get him out of bed. Others were harder, funny, but far more effort than Harry felt up to.

He found Vulpix already rooting around in his pack, apparently someone was hungry.

"Get out of there" he chastised gently, taking his pack and dumping her on her tush.

"Vulpix" she whined, turning the big soulful eyes on full blast.

He cracked much too easily, "You are so spoiled" he said, throwing her one of the special treats he'd made specifically for her.

The fire fox gobbled up her snack and nuzzled his leg. He shook his head and sighed for being so easily played.

"Uh huh, well now you can wait for breakfast like the rest of us" he said, knowing if he didn't get a move on it she'd be begging again in short order.

He could always put her in the ball, but he hadn't done that since he'd gotten her. After having a giant nine tailed fox beast trapped within him for decades it just felt wrong.

The smell of food soon permeated the air and with it the sound of groaning from the tent. A short time later a sandy blonde-haired boy with a Ledyba on his head crawled out of the tent.

"Good morning Arthur."

The shambling humanoid groaned, then his stomach made a very similar noise. It was the second one that startled his hat who flew off back to the forest.

"You scared it."

Arthur looked at him blankly and he chuckled. Arthur was not a morning person, more an early to mid-afternoon person.

"Is breakfast ready?"

The appearance of Helen, still damp with cloths clinging in all the fun places, drew his attention and quickly got the blood pumping.

"Good Morning" too bad it was all going to the brain in the little head.

Helen scowled and folded her arms over her chest, "Stop staring you Swinub."

"M'not staring" he stared.

"Arthur, you're staring, stop it."

"Whose side are you on?" the blonde demanded.

"The side that doesn't care to see you punted in the Cheri berries."

"Pfft, she wouldn't do that."

"Wanna bet?"

The blonde took one last look at the angry female before backing away to hide behind his male friend, "Protect me."

Harry rolled his eyes. Every damn morning.

…

"So, where are we headed?"

"That way" Arthur decided, "There's a gym in Gemini town I want to challenge."

Helen shook her head then turned to Harry.

"It's in the right general direction."

"Then let's go!"

"Right general direction for what?" she asked once Arthur had strutted far enough ahead not to hear them.

"I've heard stories of strange sightings that sound suspiciously like a Celebi in an old wood forest to the north."

Helen smiled, "Still chasing legends."

"Only till I catch them."

Every trainer had their motivation. Some wanted to catch'em all, as the saying went. Others sought fame and fortune playing the tournament circuit. Harry however had higher aspirations. He was after a god.

Ever since his conversation with Lolth several incarnations back, he'd been looking for others who might know more. His talk with Lolth had been illuminating in many ways, not least of which with how abruptly it was ended.

That had spoken volumes. Someone didn't want him to know what was going on. Fine, he could play that game. If gods were out of the question, what about something not quite a god. The Pokémon world was full of legends of god-like beings. Maybe one of them could help him.

And if not, there was always the next world, and the next. He could be patient, he had the time.


	19. Chapter 18

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 18

…

The glow of a sanguine moon cast long frightful shadows, and a creeping fog stretched out between the grave markers of the western style cemetery. It was a strange sight in far eastern Japan, and it was to be witness to something stranger still before the night was over.

"Yoh, I don't like this place."

The tiny child like boy glanced around nervously like he expected the dead to start crawling out of their graves. His friend jumping out form behind one of them and almost giving him a heart attack did not help.

"What are you so nervous about Manta?" said the laid back Asakura, "It's just a graveyard."

"Yeah, and didn't Anna say the guy you're supposed to be fighting is a necromancer?"

"She did say something like that I think."

"You do know what a necromancer is, don't you?"

"Somebody who really likes necks."

"Yoh!"

The taller boy laughed at the shorter's hysterics. He didn't mean to get him all worked up, but it really was so easy.

"Don't worry, it'll be okay."

"Caw!"

"Yah!"

The large black bird stared down at the skittish boy and chortled.

"What's so funny?" he demanded.

The bird did not respond but continued its mocking laughter. Not about to be taunted by a stupid bird, Manta picked up a rock and hurled it at the cackling crow.

He was not prepared for the crow to effortlessly swat it back, "Ack!"

The crow stared down at the stunned boy, daring him to do it again.

"That's one tough bird" Yoh observed.

Manta had a few choice words to describe the bird as well but before he could start working through them they became aware of the sound of footsteps, many footsteps.

Out of the fog came a group of tall figures. Clad in medieval European armor, they marched under a banner emblazoned with a roaring lion wearing a crown. All wore swords but the one at the lead carried a sheathed sword which glowed with spiritual power.

"Oversoul" Yoh whispered.

"That's him" squeaked Manta, making the crow cackle, "You shut-up!"

The crow shook its head and took to wing, landing at the head of the double column of marching knights just as they drew to a halt. Melting into pure darkness the crow bulged and expanded into the form of a man, a tall dark-haired, green-eyed man.

"Evening boyos" he greeted.

Neither boy was quick to reply, still stuck on the whole bird becoming a man thing.

"What the hell!"

"How'd you do that?"

The man laughed, "It's just a little thing I do. Isn't it a little late for you boys to be out?"

"Nah. Actually, it's just about that time" said Yoh, checking his watch and bringing out his sword, "Ready Amidamaru?"

"Always" the samurai answered, appearing to hover behind his master.

"So now their sending boys to face me" the man said shaking his head, "You got a name kid?"

"Asakura, Yoh" he replied.

"Shouldn't you already know that?" Manta cut in, "didn't you see who you were going to be fighting before you came."

"For someone who was about to pee his pants a minute ago you are awfully chatty."

Manta opened his mouth to protest but stopped when he had the sudden sense he was falling. The ground was coming up fast anyway.

"Manta!"

"Yoh! Yoh!' the parrot squawked.

"That's more like it."

Yoh glared furiously at the wizard, "Change him back!"

The wizard pretended to thing about it, "Hm, make me."

His Oversoul exploded into life as he drew his sword and charged. The wizard made no move to dodge as the sword came down at his head.

A sound like the ringing of a gong shook the graveyard and Yoh was thrown back as his attack was deflected by one of the knights with a massive shield.

The wizard shook his head, "That was very reckless. You're not going to beat me like that."

Yoh glared from his place on the ground, his Oversoul flickered from his lack of concentration, "Change him back."

"Why, he's so much cuter like this."

The parrot didn't agree and despite just gaining his wings, he flew at the wizard intent on giving him a good peck. His plan was changed when the wizard conjured a bird cage and trapped him inside it.

"Pest."

"Let him go!"

"You keep telling me what to do is not going to make me do it."

Gritting his teeth and swallowing his pride, "Please, let him go."

"Tell ya what" he said, handing the cage off to the nearest knight, "If you can win this duel in the next fifteen minutes, I'll change him back. If not, I have a new pet parrot."

"Fifteen minutes, easy" said Yoh with a cocksure grin.

"Think so? Well then, let's make it more of a challenge."

The wizard raised his arms and the ground shook violently. The earth over the graves split and rose and hands reached up out of the ground.

The Manta parrot had a conniption fit as graves spewed forth their occupants who all moved to surround Yoh.

"Still think it'll be easy?"

The would-be shaman king had no witty come back.

The wizard smiled, "Attack."

The skeletons surged forward as one and the battle was on. Manta the parrot squawked encouragements as Yoh darted around the graveyard battling the seemingly endless horde.

"Better hurry, clocks ticking" shouted the wizard, casually sipping a cup of tea while sitting on one of the gravestones.

"Yoh, beat you, beat you" squawked the Manta parrot.

"Not likely little bird" the wizard replied, "animating these skeletons is little more than a parlor trick, this whole horde is costing me less energy than that big Oversoul he's swinging around. Plus, I don't have the distraction of being attacked from all sides to contend with on top of that. Your friend has lost, he just hasn't figured it out yet."

Manta stared in horror as the wizard calmly explained the situation. It couldn't be true. Yoh had to win.

"Aah!"

One of the skeletons had scored a hit and it had allowed several others to get in and begin swarming him.

"Yoh!"

The heap of skeletons was still for a moment when it suddenly exploded into a shower of bones. At the center of the explosion stood Yoh, panting like a race horse, Oversoul flickering dangerously.

"Ha!" the parrot declared, "Yoh beat you."

"Not yet" said the wizard, hopping off the gravestone as Yoh staggered toward them.

"I win" You panted, "your Oversoul is broken."

The wizard shook his head, "Sir Ector, my sword!"

The knight stepped forward and offered the sword. The wizard grasped the hilt and drew the shining blade from its scabbard.

"It's no Excalibur, but for you, it will be more than sufficient."

Gripping his own sword Yoh charged, throwing all his strength into the attack. The two swords clashed, grinding spirit against spirit.

Using his stronger position, the wizard gave the young shaman a hard kick in the chest, knocking him to the ground.

"Your stamina needs work" the wizard remarked, "your control as well. You expend far more energy than you should."

Dazed and possibly concussed, Yoh tried to stand. He was forced back down when a sword tried to cut him in half and he was forced to block.

"Beginning to understand?"

The sword came down again, striking against his Oversoul like a sledgehammer.

"You were never going to beat me."

One final time the sword struck and his Oversoul shattered, slamming him into the ground.

A ring from their devices indicated the match was over. The wizard gave his sword a couple spins before tossing it over his shoulder where it flew unerringly back into its scabbard.

"Well, that's that."

The wizard turned his back on the young shaman and prepared to leave.

"Wait" he croaked, "Manta. Please."

The wizard scratched his chin then shrugged. Snapping his fingers, the cage vanished, and the parrot became a boy once more.

"Yoh!" he cried, rushing to his friends' side.

"If that was all?" it wasn't.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to be Shaman King?"

The wizard made a disgusted sound, "I don't care one bit for some silly title" he said, "I have questions that need answered. I'm hoping the Great Spirit will be able to help me find them. So, I suggest you stay out of my way. I've been looking for a very long time and I'd be most cross with anyone who got in my way."


	20. Chapter 19

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 19

…

Mimir's well, a popular hotspot, the only place to see the 'Life and times of Harry Potter', was surprisingly deserted. The only one's present were Venus, who sat in the lap of her husband Hephaestus, fretting nervously. Loki, who paced before the well like a man about to be led to the gallows. And a giant spider hanging in its web munching a bucket of popcorn.

"Bad, bad, this is so bad" Loki mumbled.

Venus said nothing, only whimpering and snuggling into her husband's massive chest. The forge god had no idea what was agitating his wife and the Norseman, but then he wasn't a couch potato.

"You understand what these two are carrying on about" he asked the spider.

"The master of death has finally figured out who's been pulling the strings of his reincarnations."

Hephaestus gestured to the two and the spider nodded.

"So, this is bad?"

The spider shrugged, "They think it is. I think they're overreacting."

"Who asked you Lolth" Loki snapped.

"You're just saying that because he likes you" accused Venus.

The spider worried her pedipalps shyly, "You really think so?"

Venus gave a groan of disgust then buried herself back in her husband's chest to whine some more.

"There's got to be something we can do" said Loki, "there has to be."

"Does he know how to get here?" asked Hephaestus.

"Not yet" said Lolth.

"He'll figure it out" said Loki, "He's accumulated an absurd amount and quantity of powers over his various incarnations. It won't be long before he finds his way here."

"So, cut off his power" said Hephaestus simply.

"What?" the Norse god looked at the patron of smiths like he'd said something insane, "that couldn't possibly…"

"No, he's right" Lolth jumped in, "You're controlling his reincarnations, just lock his powers. I've known gods who did that to their reincarnating avatars."

"Could, could we?" asked Venus, a glimmer of hope in her timid voice.

"Maybe" Loki said, allowing himself to feel a glimmer of hope, "it'd have to be strong, and complex. He's too clever not to try and figure it out, something intricately interwoven."

"You sure you can handle that" joked Lolth.

Loki looked at the spider and hid a wicked grin, "Me? No, probably not. But I bet you could."

"Me?" the spider squeaked.

"Who else do we know with the skill, the finesse, to weave a seal good enough to stop 'him'?"

The spider fidgeted nervously, not used to others saying nice things to her, "I, I spose I could try."

"It'll need to be strong too" Loki said, "Only the very finest god craft."

Hephaestus was not like Lolth and saw right through the Norse man's ploy, "Oh no, don't be dragging me into this."

"Hephy."

The dulcet tones of the rapturous creature in his lap made his brain go all fuzzy.

"For me?" she begged, caressing and rubbing and driving him absolutely stupid.

There was a reason they were still married. Despite a long, long history of infidelity, he just couldn't let her go. She may have been a whore, but she was his whore.

"Fine."


	21. Chapter 20

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 20

…

It was a morning, a drunken hangover morning. His head was pounding like a full drum section and his body ached like a ten-year-old living in a cupboard. But that wasn't right. He knew it wasn't right.

It had been lifetimes since he'd seen the cupboard and he didn't feel weak and tiny. Well, maybe a little weak but his body still felt grown up.

Opening his eyes, the world was a blur. He focused on correcting his vision as he'd done dozens of times, but nothing happened.

That was his first clue that something was wrong. The second came when he tried to fumble around for his glasses only to find something had a hold of his arm.

Searching with his free arm he located his spectacles and slid them onto his face. He almost instantly regretted it.

Attached to his arm was a clearly underaged girl with dark skin and almost white blonde hair. She was dressed in banana print pajamas which was the only reason he had to believe he hadn't done something completely unforgivable.

He attempted to Umisenken his way out only to discover his ki would not respond either. Though his slight movements did cause the girl to squirm and clamp to his arm tighter.

"Banana" she mumbled with an expression that sent chills down his, everything.

Why was she talking about 'bananas'? Sweet Merlin, what sort of sick twisted world had he been dropped into this time? And why wasn't his magic or his ki responding.

"Urashima!" the door was flung open and a very angry looking girl stood silhouetted in the early morning light. Somewhere at the back of his mind, a name, popped up, but that was ignored in favor of the sword she was carrying.

Now, looking at where he was, and where she was, and where the other girl was, Harry understood how it could be easy to jump to the wrong conclusion.

His response was to do what innocent men have done since time immemorial when caught in inexplicable and compromising situations, "This is not what it looks like."

Her response, drawn from the cliché Tsundere playbook, was the same as any reasonable, logical and totally not crazy and irrational woman's would have been.

"Enemy of women! DIE!"

Down in the kitchen a sweet young girl was cheerily preparing breakfast when she heard a crash upstairs. She waited for the thud and whoomph that followed before making her assessment.

"Harry-senpai must be up."

Without batting an eye at the ruckus coming down the stairs she went back to her cooking, completely unperturbed when the dorms manager leapt into the kitchen with a giggling girl hanging off him like a cape and a sword wielding Tsundere hot on his heels.

"Can't we talk about this?" he shouted.

"No!" the kendoist, as always, was quite succinct.

"Good morning everyone" the sweet cook greeted.

"Morning Shinobu-chan" squealed the cape.

"Good morning Shinobu" said Harry, grabbing a chair and bringing it up to counter.

"Stand still and die like a man."

Harry was not going to do that, and he used the chair as a shield against her sword. Angrily she thrust the sword through the chair, and very nearly through Harry.

"Gotcha!"

With a twist and a spin, the girl was disarmed and suddenly found her own sword at her throat.

"Do it again" cheered the MolMol princess from around Harry's neck.

Harry wasn't listening though. Eyes like emerald death burned into the swordless samurai girl. He was not pleased. Though, as memories came flooding in he found he'd been putting up with this sort of thing, and worse, since the day he'd taken over his aunty Hina's inn.

"Kaolla, down" he ordered gently.

Reluctantly, the dark-skinned girl slid down his back and bounced to the table.

"And as for you" he said, using the sword to force her to look at him, "You and I are going to have words. And if I don't like what you have to say, I am going to break, this sword, across your ass."

The girl gulped as she stared into hard cold eyes, eyes that promised he meant every word he said.

The walk back to his room was silent but inwardly he was cursing up a storm. He didn't have to ask who was responsible for this newest twist to his existence. Thanks to the Great Spirit he now knew that answer. What he didn't know was how they had cut him off from his magic and his ki, probably chakra as well.

It was enraging, infuriating, and he would not stand for it. He would figure it out, and they would pay.


	22. Chapter 21

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 21

…

"And in the name of the moon, we shall punish you."

Of all the ways to introduce, it had to be said, Sailor Moon's was one of the most, memorable.

"You Sailor scouts don't know who you're messing with" yelled the Youma of the day, "take one step and the boy gets it."

"Harry!"

Harry stood placidly, wrapped in the iron hard grip of the Youma. Other people would have been sweating bullets in such a dangerous situation. Other people didn't find themselves in a similar situation every single day, twice on Sundays.

"Oh no, Sailor Moon, heeeeeelp me" he deadpanned.

"Don't worry Harry, I'll save you" the heroine declared.

"Take your time" he said unconcerned.

"Quiet human" the Youma snapped, "You wouldn't want my sword to slip."

The Youma slid its sword nearer to Harry's throat, he didn't even blink.

"You wouldn't do that" he said.

"Oh, you think so" she said, getting kissably close.

"Did you know you have the most beautiful eyes."

"Huh!"

The Youma stared dumbfounded at the sudden shift in the conversation.

"It's true" Harry said, reaching up to stroke her cheek, "why, they practically sparkle with malevolence.

The Youma was shocked, shocked. Also embarrassed and kinda into it.

"I… do you really think so?"

"Oh yes" said Harry, stroking the Youma who was practically purring.

"I… I don't know what to say" her legs were shaking, her crystal pulsing like it might explode.

Then he pulled her in close, so, intimately close. It was more than she could take. Her black crystal turned to dust and the random bits of junk that had served as the medium to create her fell to the ground.

"Well, that was easy" he said.

From the first day, knowing he had no magic, he'd worked very hard to understand the nature of the demons and find alternative methods for fighting them. Turns out the crystals that created this most recent bunch were rather fragile, especially to any sort of positive energy.

He'd been dealing with Youma since his arrival in this world, all of which were female, or femaleish anyway. He'd also been dealing with the regular kind of females, speaking of which.

"Well, it was lovely to see you girls, as always" he said to the assembled Sailor scouts, slowly backing away, like he thought he might actually make it.

His escape was thwarted however by Sailor Mercury of all people, latching onto his arm.

"Wait" she cried, "Wait, you can't go. I uh, I have to examine you and make sure you don't have any, Negaverse germs."

It was a weak justification, they both knew it, but Harry was sure she didn't care. At least she kept up the pretense of needing a reason to cling and fondle him, unlike the others.

"I think I should assist you in, ehem, examining him" said Sailor Jupiter, who was not above playing along and oh so casually attached herself to his other arm.

"Mm, better make it a thorough examination" purred Sailor Venus, plastering her front to his front.

"He's clean shaved and doesn't reek of old spice" wailed Sailor Mars desperately, jumping onto his back and hanging on for love and justice.

"Girls! Girls please."

This, he had learned, was an effect of the same thing that was cutting him of from his powers. The Hinata Sou had been full of girls and by the time he'd died he'd bedded all of them at least once.

The biggest challenge had been fighting off the younger ones till they were legal. He'd managed it, thank Merlin, even with Kaolla who defied all reason with her ability to sleep walk into his bed no matter how well he secured his room.

Now, several lives later, he was being fought over by girls who threw elemental attacks around like they were candy at a parade. This was but one of the reasons he'd found, alternative methods, for dealing with Youma.

There is nothing friendly about friendly fire.

"Sailor scouts stop this" shouted Sailor Moon.

"Why?" asked Sailor Venus.

"Because I'm the leader" she said, "That means I get to go first."

"Oh balls" he groaned when the twin tailed girl jumped on him, sending the whole group to the ground in a pile of limbs and grabbing hands.

"What have we here?"

"Yipe! Who grabbed my butt?"

"Is that what I'm grabbing?"

"Oo, I don't know but… oh, whoever's doing that, mm, don't stop."

Sigh. He needed to crack this damn seal and soon, before he got raped.

"I found it."

Ah shit, "Girls, can we talk about this?"


	23. Chapter 22

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 22

…

Demon kings. Demon kings were a thing. If you were way out in Axel they were a far-off thing you didn't think about much. It wasn't that the adventurer's in the beginner town were cowards, they were just beginners.

Except one. Harry had arrived in this world bare ass naked, not for the first time, right in the middle of a horde of squinty-eyed green skins.

After a few minutes 'explaining' to the goblins it was rude to do 'that' to a guy with no cloths, he left the mound of corpses and went in search of a bath.

Goblin blood was such a bother if it dried.

Axel had been half a day's walk from there and he'd slipped in mostly unnoticed. His patchwork cloths had earned him a few glances. And the smith he'd sold his collection of 'junk metal' to had looked at him a bit oddly before pointing him in the direction of the adventurer's guild.

Best bit of career advice he'd ever been given.

For the first time since being a professional Monster Hunter, he was being paid to kill stuff and help people. Two things he tended to do anyway.

Still being blocked from his magic meant his choice of 'Class' was limited. The quirk of the Adventurer class however made up for that and more. By the end of the first year he was one of the most highly sought-after adventurers within a three city stretch.

Despite that, Axel would always be home. Not only did he have several rental properties there, but it was also where the Succubus club was located. And it was solely thanks to them he didn't have every female adventurer in town clamoring for his penis.

Being able to sleep in his own bed, alone, was something he never thought he'd get to experience again.

Three years in and he was semi-retired. Being financially stable meant he took the jobs he wanted if he wanted. People still came trying to recruit him and sometimes he let them. There were even people who had asked why he didn't just go after the Demon King himself.

Those people were usually drunk and the answer he gave them was the absolute honest truth, if I did, it'd be maybe a month before another one popped up.

Demon Kings and Dark lords were not so different. There was always another up and comer waiting in the wings for someone to off the dominant big bad. It never ended, and as far as Harry could tell, this Demon King was pretty passive all things told.

He knew there might come a day when that changed but for now he was content to hover around Axel while working on his main project, his seal.

He couldn't access his old powers, but that handicap hadn't stopped him from finding them. Untold hours of deep meditation had located the damnable thing and even more had determined but one thing, they did not want him to break it.

Not that he hadn't tried and would continue to try. They wouldn't stop him. He didn't care if they were gods.

He was taking a break that afternoon as he meandered down the street on his way to the guild hall. It had been a slow lazy day and he didn't plan to change that. A couple drinks with whoever happened to be around, maybe flirt with the waitresses, that was always fun. Dangerous, but fun.

He shouldered through the door and headed for a table only to stop when he noticed everyone was over at the desk.

His first thought was, an urgent quest, but the atmosphere quickly dispelled that notion.

Peeking over the crowd he found a young woman with blue hair preening under all the attention. He didn't recognize her, so he assumed she must be new. Powerful to if the crowd's excitement was any indication.

She turned and addressed a plain looking young man in a track suit he assumed must be her companion. There was nothing exceptional about him, average height, brown hair, kinda scrawny. Harry's eyes lingered on him not because there was anything special about the boy, but there was something special about his cloths.

It wasn't the first time he'd seen such a thing, people dressed like something from the modern world. He'd taken the liberty of questioning one of them once. After peeing his pants he'd explained the situation and Harry had let him go.

The involvement of gods in a reincarnation scheme sounded familiar, but he doubted it was them. He'd never been brought before anyone when he died. If there were other gods pulling the same thing with other people, it was none of his business.

He had his own problems without adding other peoples to it. Casting a final look at the boy he glanced at the girl then turned away. It seemed strange having two of them at once. And she was dressed nothing like him.

It was a curiosity. Perhaps in the coming days and weeks he might look into it. Cabbage season was coming up. It would be very revealing to see how they handled themselves.


	24. Chapter 23

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 23

…

"I cannot believe you!"

"Waaaaaaaa, it wasn't my fault!"

"Do you have any idea how much work you've undone?"

"No! No one told me 'you' put the seal on him. I've been stuck redirecting souls since season 67. I'm so far behind!"

"Yu… You are just the worst!"

"Waaaaaaa! I am not the worst!"

"My she does carry on."

Sitting in her web eating popcorn, Lolth was fully entertained. Somehow the loud blue-haired goddess had managed not only to work through her weaving but also crack Hephaestus craft.

Lolth was almost certain it wasn't his best work, but it was still god craft of a high-level deity. Aqua was mid-tier at best.

"Well wonders never cease."

"I still don't understand why you would break it. It was god craft. It was obviously put there by a god" said Venus who was surprisingly less upset about the whole thing than Loki.

"But he asked me to" she sobbed, "And, and Kazuma was always so mean to me and Harry was so nice, *sniffle*, and strong and he called me a beautiful goddess and, and…"

"He is quite charming" Venus agreed.

"Ugh, damn you women" Loki cursed, "You're all whores!"

"This from the man who slept with a horse, so his family wouldn't have to pay for their wall" Venus shot back.

"That was totally different."

"Sure it was, hypocrite."

With everyone against him, Loki did the smart thing, turned his back and pouted. Lolth chortled while Venus shook her head and Aqua stuck out her tongue.

"If the shows over" said Lolth, "Someone mind telling me where he is. I don't assume he followed you back?"

Aqua shook her head, "Last I saw of him he said something about becoming a hermit."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because she only broke through the binding parts of the seal" said Venus with a salacious smirk, "My girl magnet is still in full effect."

"He could break that" said Lolth.

Venus nodded, "He could, if he can find the time."

…

"Senpai! Where are you?"

Not nearly as far away from you as I want to be.

It wasn't fair. He'd finally broken the seal, finally gotten his powers back, only to have this happen.

"Senpai. I know you're here somewhere."

He'd met some crazy girls before. He met some stupidly powerful girls before. He had however, never met a woman who topped out both the power and the crazy scales.

"Senpai."

It was humiliating, finally getting his powers back only to go into hiding. He was sure his death would clear things up for his next life and he'd finally be able to sort things out, but that didn't mean he was in any rush to get murdered. It just wasn't fair.

"Senpai!"

He froze as a surprisingly strong pair of arms wrapped around his neck, a hot breath brushing against his skin.

"I found you Senpai."

Gulp, "Yeah, you found me."

"Why were you hiding from me Senpai" she asked sweetly, too sweetly.

"I wasn't hiding, I was, meditating" he lied, poorly.

"Mm, but little Yuki wants to give you her 'love' Senpai."

It was hard to deny her entreaty. She was crazy, but he'd done worse, and who knew, maybe shaking things up downstairs might fix a few things upstairs.

Not that it mattered. Even if he were so inclined they'd never get that far before…

"Yuki! What are you doing with Harry-Senpai?"

One of the others barged in.

"Go away Haruka. Senpai and I were just about to go on a date."

"Dudududu… Date!'

"To the storage shed."

"Wha? What would you do in the storage shed all, alone. Just, just the two of you."

Harry wasn't sure, but it didn't seem natural for someone to blush quite that bright.

"So you understand, now shoo!"

Like he was that lucky.

"No! You leave Harry-Senpai alone" she shouted, "If anyone is going to do naughty things with Harry-Senpai its going to be me."

The gun she conjured out of the ether was a space age cannon looking thing. Goofy perhaps but he'd seen her use it and there was nothing funny about that.

"Miserable pest" growled Yuki, releasing him and conjuring a long-arced sword with a glowing blade, "time to teach you a lesson."

Displaying none of the usual courage or bravado traditionally associated with his name, Harry Potter quietly crept out of the building while his two suitors tried to kill each other.

They wouldn't succeed. They never did. And even if by some miracle they managed to off each other there was at least a half dozen others actively pursuing him, and another dozen doing so passively.

He knew why it was happening. He knew what he needed to do to fix it, mostly. Now, if he could just go two minutes without being accosted by an overly amorous pair of tits carrying a magical superweapon.

"Harry-kun!"

"Ah, shit!"


	25. Chapter 24

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 24

…

The horde was on the march when he first felt his feet. The ground trembled under the stamp of a thousand bodies and the air was choked with the stench of man and beast.

It was a familiar scent, he remembered too well. He remembered the army, the blood, the carnage. His eyes opened, and he found himself awash in green. Filthy green, dusty green, goblin green.

He was shocked into full consciousness and stumbled a bit. A goblin next to him muttered a curse and the one behind shouted to keep going.

Catching his feet, he fell back into step among the grumbling green skins. Fully conscious now he became aware of something else that nearly made him stumble.

He was marching in the middle of a horde of goblins. Not the goblins he'd first met so many lifetimes earlier, nor were they the goblins of middle earth he had spent decades fighting. They were something between the two, not as tall as men but hardly midgets.

Though some were certainly shorter than others. He for example, he was shorter than others, he was shorter than all who surrounded him. He, a gangly green skinned goblin.

This was a new twist.

He'd never been in a body that wasn't his. Regardless of the age he had always been plain old human Harry. His sense felt off and his perception of space was shot, it was taking most of his concentration just to walk without falling on his face.

Though he would soon have greater concerns than just walking. A roar from the front of the army got everyone's attention and the pace accelerated.

The enemy had been spotted.

Their attempts to form up in units was pathetic and Harry found himself shoved up next to a five headed hydra, one of three he could see were part of their force.

"Bite, crush, tear! Can't wait, can't wait!" the hydra hissed.

Harry recognized the serpent tongue but didn't bother to comment. The hydra was eager, why bring him down? Looking at the force they were arrayed against it was obvious they would all be dead soon anyway.

The force standing across the valley was significantly smaller, but Harry could tell just at a glance theirs was no hastily assembled horde. They stood in perfect formation, each kind of unit separated into its own cohort. This was a professional army. They stood, patient and stoic against the baying horde. Their armor and weapons shone in the late morning sun while bright white and blue banners fluttered in the wind.

Looking at the tiny stone headed axe in his belt and the miniscule pocket of stones for the sling wrapped round his wrist, Harry couldn't help but chuckle. The situation was, as Kazuma might have said, totally broken. He was fighting a battle with no understanding of any aspect of the situation with a bunch of eager amateurs against a professional force, and he wasn't even leading the damn army.

"Who is leading this damn army?" he wondered aloud.

"There he is!" someone shouted.

He rode on a powerful horse, a massive form with muscles like coiled serpents. He wore a metal cap ringed in fur over a head of messy black hair and a simple leather breast plate made in almost scale like fashion. The sword he held was clearly magical, the frosted blade smoked as he held it aloft.

The horde screamed at his presence and he rode his horse up and down the lines, riling them higher and higher in preparation for the attack.

A human, massive and savage but still, a human. What sort of crazy world was he in? Not only was he part of a goblin horde, but he was part of a goblin horde being led by a human, and it wasn't him.

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"Aw, don't be such a sissy" another goblin screamed.

Harry looked at the other, trying to memorize his face. There was little doubt in his mind this goblin and all but a handful currently screaming at the top of their lungs, would be silent before the day was over.

… One epic FAIL of a battle later

The small pack of goblins and the injured hydra rested in a grotto of boulders at the edge of the desert. Two days they'd been on the run since the debacle that had obliterated the biggest horde assembled in the past hundred years. Or so he'd been told. One of the survivors was a crotchety old thing that like to tell stories. He had been the one to lead them this far, and this far was all there was as far as he was concerned.

The goblin tribes lived on the desert's borders. Once they were rested, they'd find one of the wandering bands and join up with them and wait for the next barbarian king or nomad prince who needed to throw together a quick army and the process would start all over again.

That was entirely unacceptable in Harry's opinion. He thought it might just be the human in him till one of the others said something.

"So that's really it? Scurry back to the desert like a bunch of rats and wait to do it again!"

"It's not our place to be the hero of the tale" said the old one with a sigh.

He'd clearly had this discussion before. Maybe even been on the other side of it at one point.

"Why? Why can't we be heroes? Why is the honor and glory reserved for them?"

"That's just the way it is" the young goblins temper was rising but it turned to ice when they heard the sound of pounding hooves.

"They followed us!"

The old one frowned, "I hadn't thought they'd bother. Damn!"

The grotto they were in provided excellent cover from the elements by having what amounted to high walls on all sides and only a single way in or out. That same defense also meant they had but one way to escape and it was about to be filled with armed men intent on their deaths. Harry looked at his fellows, the anger, fear, and utter despair that play across their faces. He knew it. He'd felt it.

Mind made up, he approached the hydra and hissed a few words to it. Its two living heads nodded and dragged the third, made headless in the battle, along beside it. The head would regenerate and duplicate in time, but only with rest, and sustenance.

"What are you doing?" the old one asked, having already accepted his fate.

Harry turned to the old one with eyes as hard as steel, "You said there are no heroes among our kind. I beg to differ."

Stepping under the stones that created the entrance to the grotto Harry saw ten mounted knights riding toward him. The hydra stepped up behind him and blocked the entrance and the knights slowed before coming to a stop.

"Good afternoon gentleman" he greeted.

The knights responded to his greeting with a crossbow.

Any number of spells he knew could have removed the tiny arrow as a threat in the blink of an eye. With his ki he could have moved at speeds fast enough to throw the arrow back before the bowman could have blinked. He had access to neither of these things. He wasn't sealed, he could feel both, but his new body was not attuned to them like he was used to. His magic felt distant, out of touch, and his ki was just completely out of whack.

His hand shot up and intercepted the bolt, stopping it half way through his hand. He didn't' even flinch. Compared to what he'd been through before, this was nothing.

"Was that really necessary?" he said calmly, pulling the bolt through his hand and using his sling as a makeshift tourniquet.

The lead knight grunted, "I'd heard your kind were none too bright, but I didn't realize you were this stupid."

"Is that so" said Harry, placidly looking up at the knight like he hadn't just been shot.

Unnerved by the unintimidated little green skin the knight asked, "What are you doing?"

"I came to make you an offer" said Harry, "Turn around, ride away, and I won't kill all of you, here and now."

The knights stared at the presumptuous goblin dumbfounded. His statement was so absurd as to be even beyond laughable.

The lead knight shook his head and drew his sword, "I am just going to kill you now."

Harry shrugged, "I did offer to let you live."

The knight came forward and swung his shining sword, cutting nothing but air. His new body, smaller and lighter than his old one, had an excellent jump and Harry used that to leap over the blade and into the knight's face where he took the crossbow bolt and shoved it through his eye and into his brain. The knight slid from the saddle, dead. His horse hardly reacted to losing its rider or having a goblin standing on its back. The other knights stared again. What had just happened?

"That's one" said Harry, making the question moot.

"Kill it!"

The shouts and cries of battle echoed through the grotto. The other goblins sat watching the entrance unable to see the battle even after the hydra stepped out to join it. The ordeal lasted only a few minutes then all was silent. That lasted until the sound of tearing flesh and breaking bone began. Curiosity overwhelmed them, and the little group went to see the outcome. They were stunned. Ten knights, fully armored, all dead. Their horses had either fled or lay nearby, being swiftly devoured by the hydra.

"So" said Harry, sitting atop his commandeered steed, "I think I've proved my point."

The old one just nodded dumbly.

"Good."

"You, you did this, how?" stammered the younger.

"Would you like me to show you?"

There was no hiding how much the prospect appealed to him. Harry grinned inwardly.

"And what about the rest of you? Are you tired of being the cannon fodder of would be king's and conquerors? Are you ready to be something more?"

They didn't answer right away, but he could see he had ignited something in them that hadn't been there before. The gods could wait. He had a horde, no, a nation to build.


	26. Chapter 25

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 25

…

The smell was always the first thing you noticed. It wasn't the dark that seemed to swallow even the strongest light more than ten feet from its source. It wasn't the muffled echo of a billion chittering creeping things the aforementioned darkness never allowed you to see. No, it was the smell, always the smell.

Every sewer had its own smell, depending on the size, population density, latitude, and any of a dozen other factors. They all had one element in common though. They stank. Tons of fermenting shit will do that.

The sewers of Kath Mora were certainly no exception. Wide and vast there was still no part of them that did not reek of befoulment.

"Oh sweet merciful deity's the smell!"

"Enough about the smell already!"

The armored warrior threw an annoyed look at the whiny sorceress. Her petulant pout proved she was not accustomed to such treatment, a fact he well knew.

"How can you be so cruel to me Justin" she whined with dewy eyes, whether her tears were part of the act or a result of the pervasive odor, who could say.

"You've been going on about the smell since we got down here. It stinks. We know. Shut up about it already."

She had no intention of doing this but before she could castigate him for being an unfeeling brute, someone gave her a hard smack on her behind. She squeaked in surprise and turned angrily to the heavy-handed dwarf.

"Save it girl" he cut her off, "We all hate the smell. Whining about it won't get us outta here any faster."

The sorceress glared at the presumptuous dwarf, "Don't smack my bottom." And because she said not to, someone did, "Yeek!"

"Oh, so sorry, I thought you were talking to him."

"You… you are all horrible!"

The dwarf laughed while the dark cloaked violet skinned elf just smirked.

"Alright, enough messing around, let's go" said Justin.

"Go where?" demanded the irate sorceress, "We've been walking through this stinking sewer for hours. We are lost!"

"It's a straight tunnel" said the dwarf, "We get out the way we came in."

"So we know the way out, but do we know where this tunnel goes?"

"Our guide relayed a message through my source that said where to go in and which way to go" said Justin.

"And then what?"

"He'd meet us on the way."

"Ridiculous!" the sorceress exclaimed, "Your telling me he's going to catch up, why didn't we just wait for him?"

"He said he'd meet us."

"Oh, and I suppose I'm to believe he's already down in this stinking filth!"

A voice from the darkness answered, "Yes."

The whole group tensed, ready for a fight. A hissing chuckle echoed all around them, "Had I wanted you dead, you'd already be rotting in the filth."

"There" said the elf, pointing her blade ahead, where two emerald pinpricks glowed in the smothering darkness.

"Are you the guide I hired? If you are, come out in the open where we can see you."

There was a brief pause while the green dots considered the proposal, "Very well."

The dots disappeared, and a few seconds later reappeared much larger. Given their size and location it was clear their owner was clinging to the ceiling. Justin raised his torch to illuminate their mysterious guide and almost dropped it when he saw.

"Hello all."

The genial greeting seemed out of place coming from the gigantic green-eyed rat creature. The sorceress opened her mouth to scream but was silenced by the elf's hand over her mouth.

"No more of your noise."

"My thanks assassin" said the rat man.

"Assassin? I thought you said you were a thief" said the dwarf.

"It's interesting how often one leads to the other."

Ever adaptable, once he'd gotten his heart back under control, "You're the one Markus was speaking for?"

The rat man nodded, "Useful fellow. Talks too much but knows what secrets should be kept if he wants to live."

There was no mistaking the rats meaning and Justin resisted the urge to look away from the glinting green eyes. Fortunately, the rat did not force him to.

"Come. The hole is not far from here."

Turning back the way it had come the rat man silently padded down the tunnel. The rest followed cautiously, all but the assassin out of disconcert and fear. For the elf it was just how she always was, the rat gave her no greater concern than any of the others.

"How did you come upon this hole vermin?" she asked conversationally.

The sorceress looked at her in disbelief, but the rat man showed no concern when he answered, "It was a minor member of another brood that found it. I found him scalping in my territory and in exchange for my forgiveness he told me."

"So others know of this secret?" asked Justin.

"No" said the rat, "I only forgave him for the scalping. Being in my brood's territory where the hole is was another matter not so easily forgiven and he had nothing to barter against that."

"So? What did you do?" the sorceress asked when it seemed he had said all he intended.

"Hm, oh nothing much. I just ripped out his throat and threw his worthless carcass to the browns. It really wasn't a big deal."

The elf nodded like such was the obvious response, just common sense really. The sorceress looked like she might try to scream again.

"We're here."

The rat approached a section of wall and pulled back a tarp painted to look just like another section of wall. The faintest of lights shown through from the other end in an irregular ring.

"I put a chameleon tarp over the hole on the other side as well. Come, but step quietly until I've confirmed there is no one near."

The rat ducked effortlessly into the small tunnel followed by the dwarf whose stature was equally well suited to the cramped space. The elf went next, ducking low and showing no discomfort walking in such fashion.

Justin and the sorceress came last, neither short or graceful enough to make the brief journey without feeling like a couple bumbling giants. The rat paused a moment and sniffed at the back of the tarp before pushing it aside and leading them into a dimly lighted chamber.

"So, this is it?" said the slouched sorceress, unfolding herself.

"The College of wizards."

Everyone within Kath Mora knew of the college. Everyone in the kingdom knew of the college. It was the largest repository of magical knowledge in the kingdom, the world according to some. It also housed some of the oldest and mort powerful magical artifacts ever found.

That was why they were there.

"Which way?" asked Justin.

"Before we go, there's something you should know."

Justin scowled, "What?"

"You were told there were two guards, that was a mistake."

"How severe a mistake, vermin?" asked the elf, fingering a blade.

"It is difficult to say" said the rat, turning to a nearby white column and making a crude sketch with his claw, "The two guards stand forward, directly on the path. But there is something behind them."

"Something? What?" asked the dwarf.

"I don't know."

"Well, what does it look like?" demanded the sorceress.

"I don't know."

"Well what do you know" the sorceress snapped a bit too loudly.

The faint echo made all of them flinch and the rat man cowed the Sorceress with a frigid glare before dashing off for a moment to see they had not been discovered.

"Know, if you raise your voice like that again I will relieve you of the ability to do it a third time" the rat man hissed.

The elf poorly hid her amusement at the sorceress discomfort, "But what of this other guard. It is invisible, yes?"

The rat nodded, "It was only a trick of the light that first alerted me to its presence. It has no scent and it does not breath. All I've been able to determine is that is vaguely man shaped, and I estimate about eight feet tall."

"A golem most likely" opined the dwarf.

"But what kind?" asked Justin, "What is it made of?"

"Stone" said the elf.

"How do you know?"

"If it were metal, he'd be able to smell it."

"It's true" the rat agreed.

"Damn" a golem was not something Justin had come prepared for.

"I can handle it" bragged the sorceress.

"Oh really?" said the dwarf.

"Just you watch me."

"Regardless" said the rat man, "we'll need to deal with the men first."

"How are they armored?" asked the elf.

"Fully. Plate over, chain under. The only good opening is the T shaped hole in the front of their helms."

"Difficult."

The rat nodded before making another quick sketch, "There is a high arch overhead, the best angle of attack."

"High dive? Tricky, but I can do it."

"Two of them, two of us."

"Are 'you' sure you can do that?"

The rat grinned at the teasing elf, "If you're scared, I'm sure I can get them both."

The dwarf snickered at the playful sour face the elf gave the rat.

"Come, I will show you how a real assassin kills" she said, sauntering off.

"In high heeled boots?" the rat wondered aloud.

Justin looked after the two with concern, "Can they do it?"

"They seem to think so" said the dwarf nonchalantly.

Justin fretted but before he had time to calm himself there was the sound of men dying. The trio moved forward and found the sneaky killers debating whose dive had been more artistic.

"So the guards are dead" said the sorceress, "where's this golem then?"

"Over there, at the foot of the dais" said the rat, briefly pointing at the steps leading to an alter where hovered a glowing crystal orb.

"That's it" whispered Justin.

"I wouldn't get too close just yet" said the rat as he finished removing the armor of his victim, revealing pale pink flesh.

"Why did you need to strip him" the sorceress foolishly inquired.

Rather than explain, he simply demonstrated. Plunging his steely claws into the chest he tore through the ribcage till he reached the mans recently stilled heart. As the sorceress fought not to be sick the rat tore the heart out and took a small bite.

"Mm, fresh."

Losing the battle with her gag reflex the sorceress turned around and expelled her last meal. The elf chortled wickedly.

"Was that really necessary?" inquired Justin, struggling between the urge to help the sorceress and chastise the rat.

"Quite" said the vermin, "couldn't have done this otherwise."

With a calculated toss the rat lobbed the heart, trailing blood through the air till it made squelching contact with some invisible force. The heart fell to the ground leaving a dripping crimson splotch hanging in the air.

"Now that is just disgusting."

"Wat is… oh no, blaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

The rat snickered at their reaction but then grew serious when a shell of kaleidoscopic light became visible and began to shatter.

What was revealed turned out to be larger than he'd thought. Kneeling it had seemed smaller than now as it rose to tower over them, a twelve foot totemic monolith with a carved stone head reminiscent of a dragon.

"A jungle temple guard" the elf identified.

"Never seen one of those" said the rat, "is it bad?"

The elf had no need to answer, the stone guard and his massive stone club did it for her.

"We're engaged people, look alive!" shouted Justin.

The rat and the elf hardly needed to be told that and were already on the move. The elf circled the golem while hurling small blades to try and draw his attention. This was ineffective as he was focused squarely on the rat who remained well within grabbing distance but infuriatingly out of reach.

Sitting on the club he contorted himself this way and that, always close yet just outside the golems grasping hand.

"Anytime you're ready magic girl" he called casually, entirely unconcerned at the vicinity of serious harm.

"Smart allecky rat!" she shouted angrily, "I'll show you!"

A flash of lightning flew at the golem, scoring across its chest and nearly singing the rat in the process.

"Ha ha, told ya I could handle him" she crowed.

The guardian took offense at this implication and turned his focus to the magic user, "Looks like you go this attention" observed the rat, scampering out of the way.

The guardians club shattered the floor, peppering the sorceress with stone shrapnel. It was only Justin and his massive shield that saved her fragile bones from being smashed like cheap glass.

"We better speed this up" said the dwarf, "someone's bound to notice this commotion soon."

He was right, Justin knew, they hadn't come to fight, "Get the orb!" he shouted.

Which was a mistake. The elf was already in the process, but his announcement of their objective caused the golem to turn its attention her direction.

The elf looked up at the looming draconic visage and cringed, "Uh, hi."

The guardians attack was preempted by a round of explosions along the back of its head, "Run!"

The rat appeared from the smoke of the explosions hurling more of the tiny bombs as he vaulted off the golem onto the nearby wall.

The elf made a mad dash for the orb, snatching it up in a bag of silk while never touching it directly. Prize in hand she used the obscuring smoke to make her escape but was halted half way but the club, smashing the ground a foot behind her and knocking her to the ground.

Dazed by her fall and feeling a pain in her leg she tried to stand but the looming shadow of a giant stone club stole her resolve. She waited for the killing blow, so long she wondered what it was waiting for.

"Take out the arm!"

Lightning flew once again, shattering the forearm which held the club. Rather than simply fall, it hung in the air attached to a clawed chain. It didn't hang long, the claw released and the massive slab of stone fell and smashed the guardians head off its body.

The elf watched the chain snake back to a black furred rat, clinging high up the walls.

"Amazing."

"The orb!" Justin cried, rushing up to the fallen elf, "Is it damaged?"

The elf rolled the bag to him and he opened it cautiously. He sighed in relief, finding their objective undamaged.

"Good. We have what we came for" he said, "Let's go" he called up to the rat.

"Why? So you can kill me once I've led you out" the rat called back.

Justin was shocked at the accusation, "What do you mean?"

The rat laughed, "I know more of you than you are comfortable with, Justinian."

He recoiled as though physically attacked, "How did you know…"

"How is of no concern" the rat replied, "Now go. I've my own business to attend here."

"Vermin!" The rat looked down to the elf who struggled to her feet, "Tell me your name."

"Why?"

"You are not entirely without skill" she said, "It may be advantageous for me to work with you again."

The rat chortled high up on the wall, amused by her 'unique' assessment, "I'll not tell you my brood name, it is not for yours to know. But among your kind, I am called, Harry."


	27. Chapter 26

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 26

…

There was something about seeing all your glorious plans come crashing down around your ears that was just so disheartening. Loki knew this feeling. He felt it very strongly as he watched the clever vermin that was Harry Potter draw out magic circles as he tested various theories whose ultimate purpose was entirely counter to the Norse man's own.

"You know, I've never thought rats were cute before" said Aqua, "but this is growing on me."

"I just keep thinking how yummy he'd taste" said Lolth.

"Would you two idiots pipe down" cried Loki, "I'm having a crisis over here."

The two goddesses were not sympathetic to his plight.

"It's almost as fun watching him lose his mind over Harry as it is watching Harry" Lolth opined.

Aqua nodded her agreement, "Almost."

"Really now Loki, do pull yourself together" Venus chastised her fellow deity.

"How can you be so calm" he shrieked, "We've thrown every obstacle at him we can, and nothing works. Make him a goblin, he becomes the goblin king and ransacks every magical repository he can find. Turn him into literal vermin, and he robs the College of Wizards!"

"Best underdog story ever!" declared Lolth.

"Woohoo!" added Aqua.

"Hush you two" said Venus, "Loki's being a baby."

"I'm being a… Alright! What's your idea then?"

Venus smiled and slid off her couch, "Your problem is that you provide him too much freedom."

"I turned him into a rat man" said Loki, "How is that freedom."

"My point" she said, "is that you give him no greater objective which allows him to decide what to do and when and how. Here for example, you made him a rat, all that did was move the starting point back a bit."

"Should've pushed it back more than a bit" he griped.

"Regardless. To deal with a man like Harry you must conflict his interests. Force his in-world objective to go in a different direction than his personal objective.

"Take the Shaman King season for example. Becoming the shaman king was his in-world objective. That matched perfectly with his personal objective of finding us since becoming shaman king gave him access to the Great Spirit."

"Stupid tattle tale" he complained, "Fine, so we need to send him somewhere, as something that will keep him too busy to finish what he's doing. If the rat doesn't finish it before we get a chance."

"I don't think that will be a concern" said Lolth.

"And why is that?"

"That bottle next to his foot just spilled a little and I don't think he's noticed."

"Uh oh, that shouldn't be glowing like that" said Aqua.

"Well then, that's convenient" said Loki, looking at Venus, "Since you know him so well, you redirect him this time."

Venus smiled again, "Alright, I will."

And why not? Toying with men was what she did best.


	28. Chapter 27

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 27

…

Some mornings just set the tone for the rest of the day. That's what he was thinking as he looked at the wide-eyed girl who had released him from the infernal tome he'd been 'guarding'. Naturally, his first question was asked as calm and reasonably as he could.

"Where is he!"

Apparently yelling at the top of his lungs was enough to startle her. Some people were just so skittish.

"You can talk" she squeaked.

"So can you. Hooray for common ground" he said somewhat snappishly, hopping off the book and approaching the girl who scampered away till she ran into the wall.

"Ppppplease, don't hurt me" she begged.

"Why do you think I'm going to hurt you?"

"You… you seem very angry."

"Angry!"

"Meep!"

Seeing he was going to make no progress this way he took a deep breath and allowed his ire to cool a bit.

"Alright, let's try this again. I'm looking for someone. Male, about five feet tall, long black ponytail, answers to the name of Reiko."

"I… I don't know anyone by that name."

Uh oh, "That's his book."

"My father got it as part of a lot he bought. It was at the bottom of a box with a whole bunch of other books."

"Your dad likes books I take it" sounded familiar.

"He… he did."

Normally he'd be a little more sensitive about such an obvious landmine. Unfortunately, his give-a-damn was malfunctioning after the extended disuse, so he just plowed on like he hadn't heard her heart wrench at the mention of her father.

"What country are we in?"

"… Japan."

"Japan, hm. What year is it?"

"Uh, two thousand and…"

"By what calendar?"

"Huh?"

"What calendar are we using? Come on."

"Oh, um, the greger, gregry, gregory an?"

He gave her a flat impatient look, "You mean Gregorian."

"Uh, yes?"

"And you said two thousand, that means" he broke off into indistinct mumbling as he ran the math in his head before coming to the answer, "SON OF A BITCH!"

What followed was a half hour of cursing in every language he knew. And he knew quite a few.

The girl began his tirade huddled into a fearful ball till she realized he was only going to pace the floor and swear. She was calmly watching him pace while making guttural snarls and growls when her curiosity got the better of her.

"What language is that?"

"Huh?" the question, asked out of nowhere, halted his pacing and brought his attention back to the present.

"That language you were just using. It sounded… I don't know, it almost sounded like you were just growling."

"I take it you've never heard someone curse in German?"

She shook her head.

"Well, now you have" he chuckled.

His good humor was rewarded with a shy smile, "You're not mad anymore."

The tiny plushy thing sighed, "I suppose I should apologize for that" he said, "My annoyance was with someone else. It wasn't fair of me to take that out on you."

The girl graciously accepted his apology for which he was grateful. He didn't understand his current situation, but he had a feeling this girl would be important somehow.

"Who was Reiko?"

The tiny winged guardian grinned, "He was my friend."

This surprised her, "Really?"

"What, you 've never cursed out your friends for a half an hour?" she shook her head, "Huh, maybe it's just me.

"Reiko was an exceptionally powerful and, more importantly, brilliant wizard. He created an entirely new way of casting spells that was stronger than anything any single wizard was capable of at the time."

"Wow!"

He snickered, "It was pretty cool. And it all centered around those."

He turned and pointed to the book where the twenty talismans he'd been guarding should have been. His face fell when he saw only one.

"Eh! Where… where are they?"

"Um."

Um? Why did it have to be um? Um was never good.

"What?"

"Please don't be mad."

"Why?"

"They, um, they kinda flew away."

"Flew away?"

"Yes?"

When he started walking towards her, she was afraid he was going to start yelling again. When he walked past her, fear became confusion. When he began beating his head against the wall… still confused.

"Why are you doing that?'

"Do you know, how long, it took, to catch, those beasts?"

Putting her hand between the wall and his head, "What beasts?"

"The beast inside those talismans" he said, looking at her with an annoyed expression that lost some of its edge on his cute plush face.

"You mean the coins?"

Sigh, "They weren't just coins. They were magical talismans with powerful mystical beasts sealed inside."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh. And now their gone, except one" trotting up to the book he struggled to remove the one coin that remained, "Got stuck in there, did ya Zoar."

"Who's that?"

"This is, wuuup… this is Zoar" he said, lying on his back holding the old coin with the bird etched on its surface, "his wings were so wide a single flap could call up a gale."

"That sounds big."

"You have a talent for understatement, miss?"

"Oh, uh Yuki."

"Yuki is it. Well, congratulations, I've selected you to be the new master of Reiko's bestiary."

"What!"

The plushy smiled, it was the most outgoing reaction he'd seen out of the girl, "That's right. You must become a powerful wizard and find all the missing talismans."

"But, I'm not a wizard, I can't do magic."

"If you didn't have the potential you'd never have been able to open the book. As for the rest, I'll teach you."

"But, why me?"

"Firstly, because you are the one that released them" it may have been a harsh accusation even if it was true and she wilted under the weight of the shame. He was not having any of it. Marching right up to her he grabbed the girl by her cheeks and demanded her attention, "There will be no droopy faces in my class Yuki. We learn from our mistakes, we do not mope. Understand!"

"Yes" she said timidly.

"Yes, what?"

"Uh, yes sir?"

"Say it like you mean it!"

"Yes sir!"

The plushy drill sergeant smiled, "Not bad, we'll work on it. But, more importantly, yes, I do have magic, most of which is tied up in the binding that keeps these beasts from breaking free. If I were to draw it back to me now, the talismans would shatter and release twenty powerful magical beasts onto the world."

"And that's bad?"

"End of days bad."

She gave a pitiful moan which he stopped with a hard look, "Even without me drawing my power back they will start getting out and causing trouble. It'll be up to you to put them back."

"So, what do I do?'

"Well, first we…"

But before he could begin his first lesson the earth trembled mightily.

"Earthquake" said Yuki, rather nonplussed.

"No child, this is no mere earthquake" said the plushy, floating into the air on cherubic little wings, "I can feel his power. Tor is loose."

"But, then, what do we do?"

"We stop him! Grab the book and follow me."

And so, once again he charged recklessly into battle. By the look of the timid waif that trailed along behind him it wouldn't be an easy one. He had a lot of work to do. This was going to be a long incarnation.


	29. Chapter 28

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 28

…

"You see Loki, you just have to know how he works."

The four gods watched from their various perches as the plushy familiar finally completed several lifetimes and several chosen one's worth of work by binding the magical beasts back to the ether where they would no longer do the world any harm.

"Ten points" said Aqua.

"I still wish I knew where I'd seen that spider beast before. Just, maddening!" exclaimed Lolth.

"So, do you have the next one picked out?"

Loki grinned a malicious grin, "Oh, I've got one."

"Bet it backfires on him" Aqua whispered to Lolth.

"I'd be disappointed if it didn't" said the spider.

"Where are you sending him then?" queried Venus.

"Somewhere full of vicious powerful monsters."

The others just stared at him blankly, "Really" said Venus.

"You doubt" said the trickster, "but you haven't seen what I'm sending him as. We're going all the way down the food chain."

"This should be good."

"For a laugh."

…

A green amorphous blob squelched into existence. Still exhausted from the work of his last existence, Harry just sat there for a time. He was in no rush and this new body was strange in a whole new way.

…

"A slime. You made him a slime."

Loki looked inordinately proud of himself despite Venus disbelieving tone.

"Think he'll just eat the whole world?" wondered Aqua.

"That's what I'd do" said Lolth.

…

The crystal was glowing like a rainbow of stone. Evan at a distance Harry could feel the magic radiating from it.

He didn't know what it was, and in his new 'body' he had a limited number of ways to interact with it. He decided to do what he had been doing, he glorped on, smothered it, and gobbled it up.

He could tell there was little point in just digesting it, but his new form was a strange thing. With everything he encountered he was learning something new about it.

What would this magic crystal have to teach him?

…

"Was this all part of your plan?"

"Just a minor setback" claimed Loki, his smile looking awfully fragile.

"Eat the world" cheered Lolth.

"Pac-man" shouted Aqua.

…

The massive insect scurried along on its hundred giant legs. Its gargantuan head with its enormous crushing mandibles turned slightly as it went, grotesquely oversized eyes constantly scouring the tunnels for danger, or food, mostly food.

A creature of its magnitude sat safely at the top of the food chain, or so the unthinking beast believed.

The green slime watching it from the ceiling had other thoughts however. Sliding into position the slime drooped from the ceiling like a giant raindrop, then fell.

Spikes and blades of magical steel sprouted from the amorphous blob who began to spin like the worlds glopiest drill.

The massive centipedal creature bent like cheap plywood when the green drill struck, punching right through its center. The bug had barely realized it had been attacked when the slime wrapped itself around the damaged section and buzz sawed the beast in half.

It noticed this, screaming in pain and fury as half its length was removed it turned and rushed at its attacker and the fight was on.

…

Silence, heavy, oppressive. Lolth and Aqua sat trying their hardest not to laugh. They wanted to see how long Loki would stand before the well with his jaw on the floor before he started crying.

Best season yet.

…

He watched the battle from a nearby hill, unsure what to think. The small group, of what he assumed were adventurers of some kind, were on the losing end of a fight with a group of goblins and a large troll.

Before being one of such for nearly a century he wouldn't have thought twice about slaying the green skins. Strange how a bit of time can change your perspective on things.

Rape however is not one of those things and his choice was made when one of the female fighters was knocked silly and the goblins dogpiled her and started ripping her clothes off.

His appearance turned the battle quickly and despite being a green ball of goop, that didn't stop the woman from hugging the daylights out of him.

…

"I cannot believe you walk around dressed like that."

"Wasn't almost getting raped once enough."

The woman let the ignorant comments slide like water off a ducks back, "Am I detecting a hint of jealousy?"

"I heard it too" said the little green slime draped across her shoulders.

"You shouldn't trust that thing you know, it just wants to grope you" said the male thief.

"I guess that makes two of us" countered the slime, "difference is, I'll actually get to."

And just to prove his point, he reached down and gave her generous bosom a jiggle.

"Harry, stop" she giggled.

"But they're so bouncy."

…

"No! No! No! No!"

Aqua cackled as Loki beat his head against the well and Lolth sat chortling in her web.

"This is not happening! This is not happening!"

"You think he really believes that?"

"If he keeps up the headbanging he'll probably believe anything."

…

"The portals opening!"

"Oh god, look at the size of that thing."

"Meh, I've seen bigger."

Everyone turned to the slime in disbelief, "What?"

"Are you insane?"

"Maybe."

"Gah!"

"They're so dramatic."

"Well, it is a 'really' big demon Harry" his partner pointed out.

"Guess that means full armor then."

For only the third time since they'd met the green slime fully embraced the warrior woman. Strong magical metal floated to the surface and the most finely crafted sword slid into her hand.

"Ready partner?" he asked.

"Always."

"Then let's kick some demon ass!"


	30. Chapter 29

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 29

…

"What the hell just happened? Where did he go?"

Plot twist.

"How could you lose him?" demanded Venus.

"I don't know. One second they're putting the finishing touches on a greater demon, next, naked girl."

"You get the feeling the shows over?" Lolth wondered.

"Unless you wanna sit here and watch these two freak out" said Aqua.

"This cannot be happening! Where did he go?"

…

Harry found himself wondering something very similar upon his arrival. He felt like he'd gone back to school. Not Hogwarts though, the skirts were too short and the uniforms too monochromatic.

Then the girl in front of him had knelt and kissed him, "My goodness, so forward, and we only just met."

No one so much as batted an eye at a talking slime which, given the menagerie of weird looking beasts, should not have been a surprise.

"That concludes this years familiar summoning ceremony. Congratulations to all of you. Uh, yes, all of you."

Even just recently arrived, Harry was catching on to a few things. The way everyone seemed to be looking at the girl who summoned him, and how uncomfortable that appeared to make her.

He sat quietly through dinner, served in a long hall nowhere near as long or high as the one in Hogwarts. And when dinner was done, he calmly trailed his 'master' back to her room, absently noting the not so subtle giggling as they walked through the halls.

'And the picture begins to take shape.'

It all came in to focus when they were behind closed doors with the bolts firmly locked.

He'd heard people cry before and he could honestly say, she didn't cry, she wailed. Even with her face firmly buried in her pillow he could still hear her.

"Sounds like someone had a bad day" and I was a part of it.

He bounced up on the bed next to her and patted her back which had little effect. He needed another approach. Looking around for inspiration he noted the worn old teddy bear on her dresser.

"Hey, hey. Little miss. Why are you crying? Why are you crying?"

The persistent prodding forced her to pull her head from her pillow and the sight that met her tearful gaze caused her enough confusion to cease her bawling.

"What? I don't, you're, the slime?"

"Right now, we're Teddy" said the green plush bear, "Would you like to tell us what's the matter miss. We promise we're the bestest listener."

Good thing to, because when she started talking it all came flooding out. If he'd not lifetimes of practice incorporating mass amounts of information, he probably would have missed something. As it was.

"So let's just summarize the main points. Your brother was a famous and powerful wizard. Because of that, it was expected his little sister would follow in his footsteps, great and powerful and all that jazz."

"But I'm a failure" she moped, until 'Teddy' took her by the cheeks.

"There will be no more moping young lady" he said, "and you're not a failure. Just because you're not living up to other people's expectations does not make you a failure."

"But I'm terrible at magic!"

"So. You think the great masters came out fully formed and slinging spells left, and right? Or course not."

"But…" A green plush paw cut her off.

"No buts" he said, "I can see why you summoned 'me' now. How you managed to drag me across seven dimensions is still a mystery, but I'll figure that out later."

"How, how do you know so much?"

"Don't let this adorable plushy face fool you. I'm older than you could possibly believe, this being my hundred and first life after all."

"Hu…hundred first?"

"Well, technically you pulled me out of number one hundred before I had a chance to die but I'm still gonna count it."

She was clearly overwhelmed, her expression said as much, but Harry was far from done.

"What do you want?"

"Huh?"

"From your life. What do you want? Do you want to be a powerful wizard? I can help you do that. Rich and famous, totally doable. Want a family and a house full of kids, easy. Do you want to be queen of the world! Don't, being the boss is totally not all it's cracked up to be.

His little joke fell a bit flat as she'd gotten stuck on the, "House, full… full of kids! Meep!"

"You were thinking something naughty, weren't you?"

"NO!" the girl with the atomic blush denied.

"So that's what you want?"

"No! No, no. No, I uh, I, the first one. I, I wanna do the first one."

'Teddy' smiled, "Alright, great and powerful wizard."

"Can you really do it?"

"I can show you the way" he said, "But it'll be up to you to walk the path. Don't worry though, I'll be right behind you in case you need a swift kick in the butt."

She laughed at his crude reassurance. He had the distinct impression it was something she didn't do much. Another Yuki.

"And who knows. If things go really well, maybe you can help me with a little project I've been working on for my last fifty or so lives."

If she could summon him across dimensions, whose to say what else they could accomplish.


	31. Chapter 30

The boy who was trolled  
Chapter 30

…

Mimir's well, once the hot spot of the heavens, the most popular place to be outside Odin's Mead Hall and Bacchus Wine Pavilion. Now a barren empty place, mostly.

The cautious mouse scurried from shadow to shadow. He shouldn't be there. Every self-preservation instinct in his body screamed to run. Run far, run fast, and keep running till he thought of something better. Not that it was likely. He'd been trying to think of something better for several centuries and only grown more desperate as his options disappeared one by one.

He hated it, hated the fear, hated the hopelessness. It wasn't fair. It was just toying with a mortal. Gods did it all the time. Why did it have to come back and bite 'him' in the ass. Why did this shit always happen to Loki?

Scampering up to the well he slowly edged his way around. He could hear noise, it was only just louder than the frantic drum that was his heart, so he couldn't tell what was on. The sound of someone laughing nearly gave him a heart attack but he realized the one laughing was female, so it couldn't be 'him'. Risking a peek, he saw his co-conspirator lounging on her divan, munching from a bucket of popcorn.

"Venus!"

The love goddess barely batted a perfectly manicured eyelash when the mouse became a man.

"Yes" she said blandly.

"What're you doing?" he shouted.

"Watching reruns" she said.

A quick glance showed the peak of the final battle of the Shaman King tournament. This did not answer the underlying question.

"Why are you still here?"

"I can't watch it at home."

Her blatant disregard for her, and by extension his, well-being was doing his blood pressure no favors.

"You know this is the first place he's going to look for us. Was I talking to myself when we discussed this?"

"Maybe."

The Norse man could not believe what he was hearing. He didn't much care if The Master of Death enacted his vengeance on Venus, but in doing so he had no doubt she would finger him and, being the whore she was, wriggle her way off the hook.

"Listen to me you ninny wit. We are in danger."

"I'm not in danger" she said.

"Fine! I'm in danger!" you stupid simpleminded tramp.

"Why? What did you do?"

It was like he was talking to someone else entirely, "This!" he shouted, pointing at the 'reruns'.

"I did that" she said with a proud smile.

A smarter man would have just nodded and backed away. A smarter man would have left the country, changed his name to Paco and gone into hiding somewhere in Guatemala.

Sigh. Poor Paco… I mean Loki.

"You! You were content to sit there and whine before I came along. If not for me, you'd have never even thought to get control of his reincarnations. If not for me, you'd be watching nothing but Hogwarts reruns.

"It was my idea, not yours. All the ideas were mine. All of them…hurk!"

"You don't say" she said with a hand around his throat.

Loki stare, he'd had no idea the goddess of love was so strong, "Maybe I went too far."

"Not at all" 'she' said, only it didn't sound like a she, "You were actually very informative."

Divine feminine features turned gelatinous green before reshaping into a frightfully familiar form.

"As a shape shifter yourself, I'm a little surprised you didn't catch on" said Harry.

"Yooooooou!" Loki squealed, squirming like a frightened rat.

"That's right. After a hundred and one play throughs, the game at last comes to an end. And I get to meet its orchestrator."

His struggles increased as those evil green eyes took on a hard edge, "A hundred and one lives, a hundred more than anyone should live, all for your entertainment. So tell me, were you entertained?"

"What are you going to do?" Loki choked, his vain struggle for freedom losing no momentum.

"I've spent lifetimes wondering that same question" said Harry, "You've no idea how excited I am to finally show you."

And there was, throughout the heavens, a great and girlish scream that echoed across the pantheons. For those in the know it was a sign and they did all laugh mightily, with one exception.

The master of death had arrived.

…

For those wondering about the exception. With her aching fanny, Venus found it very difficult to find the humor in the situation. Harry is a very talented spanker.

Fin?


	32. post note

Post note  
A taste of things to come

…

And thus concludes another story… for now. It was suggested that some people might enjoy a deeper look into some of Harry's hundred one different lives. An idea I will take under advisement (The Hundred one Lives of Harry Potter, look for it in 2019) but for now we have other plans.

We have one last upload for the year, the final bookend of out "Harry Potter D&D" story line. Just a little something to cap it off before we start in on it's spiritual successor in the new year.

For anyone who wants to follow, "Power's that Be" goes live the second Wednesday in January. As our regular upload schedule will begin the first Monday with a new Pokémon fic while Wednesday's will be specifically Harry Humpday's.

Big plans for 2019. Hope to see you all.


End file.
